Not really THERE yet

Results tomorrow but its funny that everyone already has the news and there is no point in the whole affair but the paperwork. What is funny is however that every step you take is haunted by the ghosts of everyday politics, and circumstance manages to outsmart you, petty passions dog you, and outrageous sensations have the knack of seeking you out for their own sake... and the only shield you have from all the bullshit is your own nearsightedness which just buffers the blow and screens you from the complete extent of the damage. You try to make sense of it all by placing yourself in all the mess… and therefore it is also funny that you are neither the spectator nor victim in this particular bloodsport, you are nothing less than a full fleged participant, and because of the youth, just learning the rules of the game in the dog eat dog world. It might boil down to some phantom gene dance progressing in the bloodlines where procreation and maximizing your contribution to the gene pool is the only ultimate aim in your life, but some aesthetic if not metaphysical aspect of yourself, that shrad of your brain called the soul asks for nothing but simplicity in this weird world… killing, eating and fucking would have been a better life than the psychological trauma that mankind puts itself through… abusing the one thing unique in our species. Irrespective of a God above who is supposed to even things out or everything written in our fate or destiny or whatever, we are all blessed with powers and all our energies are usually diverted to things we’d rather not do. For example, make sense of it all… there is a certain relief in letting it all go, in celebrating the nearsightedness, in feigning innocence, in pretending to rise about the supposedly petty brainfuckedness that everyone is put through… maybe age hardens you against them, but I’d rather enjoy my cutting chai without a care in the world rather than even begin to make sense of it. Making sense of it, is I guess, simply not my cup of tea.