I am now a criminal

 

Criminal caught in the act

 Well, I am exaggerating but...

I keep having troublesome neighbours. There is an office setup next to my house, and although they have a bigger balcony than me, there are two women working there, which is presumably why one of the people keeps coming to smoke in my balcony. So I was just out to get some sun, with temperatures here in Delhi almost dropping to zero degrees, and this guy comes out, sees me in the balcony, and almost as a reflex action, comes out and observes the scene of the crime, to see what evidence he has left behind. 

He walked up to me, looked at the cigarette butts, then scurried away. It was a funny reaction to watch. IDK what to do with this guy. I was thinking of some passive-aggressive moves, such as installing an ashtray or putting a sign that says "Trespassers will be shot".  I am also considering dumping a big pile of cigarette butts on their balcony when I move out. 

I just do not understand why people have to be so inconsiderate and obnoxious. 

Frustrated with Swiggy delivery partners

 I am really frustrated with Swiggy delivery partners. They just show up beneath the building and say "I am standing here".

I am so tempted to tell them, well it is your choice, please continue to stand for as long as you want. I also want to ask them if I should dance.

These fellows do not seem to understand the concept of home delivery. There are plenty of places to eat right outside my house, so if I am going down at all, I can easily eat in any of those places.  

At times they get lost, and then don't follow the instructions, even though I have put in very precise directions to guide them home. I had to tell this one fellow 20 times to get out of where he was, and he just was not listening to me and insisting he was searching around in the right location. The app also does not show the accurate location. 

Fuck Delhi and its stupid delivery partners. 

Broken specs

 So I have managed to go and broke both my specs. 

Rekt. 

They are now held together by sapety pinns. 

Strong mango tree

So my parents called a mali to break off an offending branch of a Mango tree, that is at least 150 years old

The guy's sickle broke :D 

hahahaha

Google search definitions are sexist

 They source it from a dictionary obviously, but I have to look up the male version of the word to get at the definition

Took an arrow to the knee

 

Losing respect of shopkeeper

 We all know that expression from the shopkeeper when making the choice of a product and negotiating the price. That look of disappointment you see when you know you have gotten a female grandchild, or said female grandchild is opting for an intercaste love marriage. 

In Mumbai, you get that expression when going for the cheaper of two options, say an original Apple adapter and cable and a fake one, and you just chose the fake one. 

In Delhi though, things are different, you get that expression when you go for the more expensive option! Or, if you surprise the shopkeeper by not bargaining! You gain respect by going for the cheaper option. Needed a type-c adapter, instead went for a type-c cable that I could use with any USB drive. Despite perhaps getting a lower margin, shopkeeper was happy with, and understood my choice, and threw in a 50 bucks discount over the MRP of 250 on the adapter. He did not give me any discount on the adapter, which had an MRP of 800. 

Reminds me of another time, during my first few days here, when I had not learned to bargain yet. It was the first time I was getting tissues and toilet paper. The MRP of everything was 150. When I gave the shopkeeper 150 bucks, he waved the money at two other women customers and said, "look at this sir brother here, paying 150 rupees for goods that are worth 50". He felt bad taking the money that was printed on the package. The women also teased me saying you give the money and discount what we want to buy. 

Since then I have learned to bargain for everything in Delhi. 30 rupee string to make sure spectacles don't fall off can be brought down to 20. The only fixed prices are the share rickshaw rides and the metro fares. 

So the first time I got an extension cable it cost me 750 bucks, as per MRP. I got two more from the same guy, and the discount came down to 350, once I became a regular customer. Basically in Delhi, all products have boosted MRPs, meant for bargaining. If you don't bargain, you are a royal idiot. Things are not as simple as walk into the store, check the MRP, and pay for it. Start at 1/3rd the price of everything. 

Wow lol, people trying to get into my Ubisoft account!

 IDK why, have secured it with seven proxies and norton now. 

Dont blame me if im just a bit racist against these countries. 

Companies with bad support

Go First

Broken system. Selected deluxe veg meal add on, got served some non-veg pattice type thing and fruit juice instead. Twitter support marked issue as resolved without contacting me. Bad experience. Added to my no fly list :) 

Axis Bank

Nightmare experience. Getting calls everyday for weeks for lifetime free credit card, despite being on National DND registry and repeatedly requesting stopping of the calls. Twitter support kept saying issue is resolved, but the calls kept coming. Then twitter support started lying, not giving support tickets, claiming that I had signed on for additional credit card while signing up for account (I didn't, and even if its true, its sneaky of the bank). I asked if I had already signed up for it, then why am I getting the calls? They opened another ticket. One of the callers even said "sir, just take the card, then the calls will stop." Finally, they ended up sending a card on their own, which I declined. The calls have stopped now, but horrible experience. 

In both the cases, the Twitter support seemed uncoordinated, random, and rude, like using the power of big company against consumer. I am genuinely surprised that these problems with these companies are not more widespread. 

Swiggy Feedback

I sent this feedback to Swiggy today. Maybe im a little angry, and very sad. It can serve as the promised part II of why food in Delhi sucks. 

Okay, there are no other better apps available, so have to use Swiggy, but there are some pointers that will make the app far better. 

1. Please ensure that the restaurants match the images and descriptions used to the packages that they deliver. Thaaliwala and Mumbai Goli Vada Pav in Delhi are examples of offenders. The latter sent veg patty in flat pav, which is not at all like the image they used in the photo. The former, sent several small containers which I specifically wanted to avoid, instead of one big packaged box as shown in the image. There is no option to get a refund for misleading packaging, but Im conscious about waste, and do not want to throw away 20 pieces of plastic tape instead of one or four. I feel strongly about this point, and it is fair to expect restaurants to match what they deliver to what they show in the pictures. 

2. Make sure cloud kitches have comparable charges. Healthiemenu and Yummy world seem to come from same place, have nearly identical menus, similar packaging, but methi moong dal khichdi in one restaurant is 200 bucks, and 150 bucks in the other. Customer will feel cheated in such instances. 

3. Another example, Canteen Central, Great Indian Khichdi, Home Plate, and Meal Studio all have similar menus but different prices, and are delivered from the same place. It is problematic to pick items in four different restaurants, apply discounts, and then figure out which is the cheapest.  

4. For thaalis and combination meals, there is no option to report certain items are different. For example, Thaaliwala sent buttermilk instead of curd, and onion rings instead of salad. Another restaurant, forgot which, sent papad instead of sandige, and did not send kosambri at all, which was included in the listing. I do not want to not pay for entire order because of some missing items. Yummy world sends some chips instead of papad. 

 

Food in Delhi sucks

First of all, Delhi does not understand the concept of a thaali. For Delhi, a thaali is the same as a plate, so every meal is a thaali. Parathas with sabji and onion rings is a thaali. 

Delhi does not understand the concept of a salad. Onion rings are salad. 

Salad, according to Delhi

Delhi does not understand the concept of raita. Whipped curd with salt, pepper and mustard seeds count as raita, Delhi restaurants skimp on on curry leaves and chillis. What's more, they are even stingy with the portions. 

An Idli in Delhi costs 150 bucks, and there is only one place so far that does not pass of some gooey liquid trudge as chutney, and that is Carnatic Cafe. 

People suggest the Andhra Bhavan, Tamil Nadu House or the Karnataka Sangha... maybe they are good for non-veg food, I do not know, but their chutneys suck, their idlis are dry, their vadas are like mouldy rickshaw tyres, their dosas are waay to thick, almost like parathas, their bisibele bhaath is sambhar rice, their tomato rice is sticky and too red, and they do not have chitrana or puliyogare. Even their curd rice sucks. I miss being able to go to any restaurant in the corner to enjoy some good, healthy South Indian food, or Idlis for 20 bucks that you get in Bengaluru. In Delhi, dry flaky idly with really sad chutney is a minimum of 150 bucks. 

There are three Karnataka Bhavans, but all of them are outright liars and thieves. Their "kosambri" is again, onion rings. They send appalam or papad instead of sandige. All the rotis here are thick, not the delicate phulkas you get in Karnataka or Gujarat, even in Gujarat Bhavan, which is actually the best of the lot. 

So, people have told me to eat the food that North India is good for... yeah well, see the first three points. After coming here, I could not finish my food for the first week. I just cannot stand the food here. 

As my dad says, once the parathas stop being hot (which is like 5 minutes in the winters), then they can be used as footwear. 

Continental? The garlic bread is small and thin. North Indian? How much gluten can you possibly consume? Also, they do not understand accompaniments - salad, raita etc. Most things are thick and rubbery. The only consistently safe, good things to eat are chole, dal makhani, kadi and parathas.. there is only so much of that a person can consume! Chinese? Well, that is okay tbh, but the quantities are bad, and the good ones are expensive. 

Also, there is a reason it is called Delhi Belly. So do not give me that crap. Delhi food sucks, and everyone knows it. 

If there is one thing Delhi restaurants do not skimp on, its the paneer. The alu and methi parathas have paneer. The dal khichdi has paneer. The poha has paneer. The fruit salad has paneer. The pizzas and sandwiches have paneer even if it is not mentioned on the menu! Come on, I like my paneer tikkas, but seriously Delhi, paneer is not salt. 

Then I miss the Maharashtrian food. It is only in Mumbai-Thane that you can get good veg kholapuri. Because in Kholapur itself, there is no such dish. In Delhi, it is available, in some restaurants, but it is just mixed vegetables. I enjoy my butter naans with veg kholapuri only, so that option is unavailable for me as well. :(

A vada pav in Delhi is veg patty in a flaky, dry pav. The pav bhaji and misal pav taste the same. There is no option for extra pav in most restaurants, let alone rasa or usal. The misal is a brown trudge without any usal in it, only God knows how they make it. At times the pavs are minuscule, so they give three pavs with the "misal" or tomato bhaji. I mean who serves three pavs? Delhi. 

Look at the picture and what they actually send!

Mumbai Goli Vada pav is the biggest fraud here. Liars. Cheaters. 

All the restaurants on Swiggy are frauds and cheaters. The cloud kitchens have multiple outlets with different rates serving from the same place. The portions, packaging and contents are rarely the same as the images shown. 

There are just a few places that actually serve good food. There is Etsu, Carnatic Cafe, Mandarin Oak, Sly Granny and Caterspoint. Even in most of these places, the portions are underwhelming. There is simply not a good place to order a thaali from. 

So to anyone who says otherwise, food in Delhi sucks. I suspect there will be a part II of this, because I have to eat. 

Requirements for content writers

 Plagiarism should be less than 7-10%.

Sad

We are writing for algorithms, not humans. 

Austronesians went to America

Here is a map superimposed on another. One is the spread of humans across land out of Africa. The second is the Austronesian expansion using boats. For some reason, Norse expidition apparently crossed the Atlantic, but the people of Hawaii or Easter Islands did not make it to the Americas across the pacific. The red lines are considered fringe or pseudoscience. 

There is plenty of evidence that this happened though

- Skulls matching pacific islanders in South America

- Similar words in the pacific islands and South America

- Chicken found in South America that is not genetically similar to European chicken

- Sweet potatoes in South America

- Similar boat building techniques used in America

- Custard apple carving in Indian Stupa, and elephant carving in Mayan remains

Those are not Elephants on this Mayan stele, according to scientists

Pedowatch

Literature
Mark Twain
Edger Allen Poe
Rabindranath Tagore
Lord Byron
Lewis Carroll

Movies
Charlie Chaplin
Errol Flynn
Clark Gable
Woody Allen
James Franco
Roman Polanski

Music
Michael Jackson
R Kelly
Drake
Ted Nugent
Jimmy Page

General src

Bonus: Bands with pedo lyrics 

Plato was an asshole

So Plato kicked off higher education when he founded the academy in Athens. His teacher was Socrates and his student was Aristotle. He was also a total asshole. Imagine if you are a scholar, and you come up with a valid theory that explains the world - that of atomism, and someone of the stature of Plato totally throws shade your way. That is what happened to Leucippus and his student, Democritus. Plato and Aristotle totally rejected their ideas of Atomism. Plato's reasons for this dick move? It was not poetic or aesthetic enough. While nearly all of Plato's work has survived to our day, Democritus has almost been erased from history - to the point that it is a matter of debate if he even existed. Although he came up with the idea of atomism, we know about his ideas through the work of Leucippus, of which only fragments survive. Aristotle's criticisms of Democritus is actually more illuminating about the ideas of Leucippus and Democritus than their own works. Democritus is considered the father of modern science. Plato did everything to suppress Democritus, including attempting to burn his books. While he mentions all the other philosophers at that time, Democritus only very rarely comes up. Plato actually goes as far as to say "Democritus is not well versed in the matters of knowledge". By and large, Democritus was shunned in Athens.  It did not help matters that Democritus was somewhat of a recluse, and himself said, "I came to Athens and no one knew me." Just, so sad. :(

Bus goes over divider

So I was just coming home from work, when this bus full of maniacs parked itself on a divider. Imagine going at such a speed, in reverse, perpendicular to the direction of the road. The rickshaw driver, me and an old uncle on a scooter all had a narrow escape. The idiots seemed to be drunk, and a noob seemed to be learning. In any case, it was terribly irresponsible. Even after it got stuck on the divider, the freaks thought that it makes sense to push the pedal to the metal, and somehow the tyres spinning in mid air would allow them to get the bus off. When that did not happen, they tried to push it, to no avail. A crowd had gathered by then, and the fools got scared, tried to disperse them, and then ran away themselves.

Rant against Big B

This is a friend, not me. Randomly going on a rant against Big B.

Tu chutiya hai

Have you ever considered why people even consider you a superstar?

You are no one special

Suresh Menon acts better than you

What have you acted really? There are so many people like you. How have you used your chances ?

Salman and Sanju stay in an apartment. SRK is another idiot, but even he

Have you ever showed money on kbc?

Have you ever shown the screen of your computer? Who generates your questions ?

Bum yeh saamne hai man chod Dalo iski

Paisa Waisa kuch bhi nahi chahiye

Khamosh, poch gya

Kya lavda Bhanchod parampara suryavansham

Rajpal Yadav is taller than you in every aspect

You are not even close to Shekhar Suman

Dude yaar, Amitabh

Tu bhootnath me Kya soch ke act kiya? Aaraam kar maa ki choot abhi?

Tu bangle me kyun Retha hai, building me kyun nahi?

Tera salary slip ka photo bhej

Devious Plan

unsecure wi fi network
wait for people to appear
turn off wi fi network