Bananas

Actually, this is about only one banana, the title is slightly misleading. So there is a joke from a cartoon strip called Chyrag that goes “what is long and yellow and lives in an apple tree? – a stupid banana.” Now some people might find all of this very funny, and might have even taken the trouble to burst out laughing – either at the stupidity of the banana, or at the absurdity of the idea of one living in an apple tree. The moot point is, however, the banana’s stupidity - such a matter merits a deeper consideration, and maybe all of us will realize that we might be underestimating the intellectual capacities of the banana.
First of all, the banana has managed to get itself to an apple tree. Now that is a pretty difficult thing for a banana to do, especially since most bananas are not endowed with limbs or wings of any kind (some scientifically oriented people might be inclined to argue that wings are a kind of limbs, but that’s just against common sense). Most bananas, as things turn out, are not even provided with a brain. Contemplating on how the banana managed to get to the apple tree is a pretty futile line of thought to follow, because this is already given, without any background data. However, it is relevant in this context because moving out of a banana tree on its own accord (apart from falling off the tree in a rotten state) is such an achievement that it will allow us to at least attribute some modicum of intelligence to the particular banana in question. The very fact that it is in an apple tree at all can allow us to attribute it with considerably higher amounts of intelligence. First of all, a banana in an apple tree is viewed upon with extreme suspicion. Someone may crack jokes about its stupidity, someone else may take it home and treasure it as one of those freaks of nature that deserve to be exhibited to neighbors who politely act astounded, and if spotted by a person with a camera, it would be photographed, and turn up in cheap tabloids and weird corners on the internet, but no one, absolutely no one, not even a stray chimpanzee will eat a banana in an apple tree. A banana in an apple tree is a very suspicious object, and most people refrain from eating suspicious objects. By getting to an apple tree, the banana has managed to save itself from being eaten. By this it would follow, that any banana that remains on a banana tree is more stupid than a banana in an apple tree.
Some might find it fit to argue that what is the purpose of the banana if it does not get eaten? Especially since most bananas do not possess seeds, there is nothing for a banana to do in an apple tree. Now it is not clear whether the banana in question is of the seeded or non-seeded variety, but a problem arises only if the banana is of the non-seeded variety. Maybe it enjoys sitting in an apple tree and being called clever for it. Maybe it hopes that it will end up in the hands of apparently astounded neighbors of people who have a sharp eye. Maybe it enjoys the attention of the alternate press that it is bound to receive, or maybe it enjoys the fact that stray chimpanzees do not have an inclination to ingest it, I frankly, have no clue, ask the bloody banana if you can be bothered enough to find out, it might be clever enough to answer you – but you cannot argue that anything is preferable to being eaten by humans, especially if they think you are stupid.
After explaining this logic to a friend who had almost as much brains as the banana, the friend pointed out an interesting fact which raised the issue of the banana’s stupidity again. All the logic was fine, he said, but didn’t take into consideration that segment of the population who don’t like bananas, and also possess the additional quality of having low IQs. There are bound to be a considerably amount of such people on this planet, especially since some would find it fit to attribute eating of bananas to intelligence. Now, a lot of people are fond of apples, or at least eat apples to keep the doctor away. Now, if such a person goes to the apple tree with the banana in it, then the banana that would otherwise have been safe in a banana tree would get eaten under the assumption that it is an apple. So all bananas that stay put on banana trees are the cleverer ones.
Now the whole issue of the banana’s stupidity was finely balanced on one point – whether more people in the world hated bananas or liked them. So the friend and I decided to conduct a survey – he asked me if I liked bananas and I said yes. I asked him if he liked bananas, and he said no, but I think this was just because he did not want the argument to come to an end. We decided that we’d enquire about an affinity towards bananas to one more person to settle the argument, but that evening, we bumped into only people who were moving around in groups of even numbers. It was as if God was purposely working against settling the matter once and for all, and since the matter’s perusal began to get exponentially boring, we came to the conclusion that the world was divided 50-50 over the preference for bananas, and therefore the banana’s stupidity remained considerably in doubt. We decided we’d contemplate something else for a change – and moved on to the more fruitful occupation of wondering how kangaroos mated.
Finally, the conclusion that one reaches to the entire issue is that one should not be prejudiced against the intelligence of a fruit based on what tree it is found on. To put matters in perspective, whether you are at a friend’s house or at your house, you remain as stupid. The moral of the story is that the tree is not a deciding factor of a fruit’s stupidity, but you probably already knew that.
-Aditya MJ