The Paris Hilton Guide to Nuclear Politics

What will a hotel heiress who cannot read the menu in her own hotel know about Nuclear Politics, one might ask, but in the middle of all the nudie posing and angering PETA by treating various small cuddly animals as accessories, Hilton managed to pick up quite a bit in one of her pre-syphilis parties, where P-Diddy offered to show her his two megaton missile.







It all started with Albie, a German guy with a hairstyle almost as joked about as Donald Trump’s. Actually the details are pretty woosy, but the basic deal is that you either get two radioactive elements together or separate them, and you get loads of energy released in a short period of time, leading to a nuclear explosion.







That’s a LOT of energy. Now people made nuclear weapons, and things were pretty cool.







Till they blew up cities, that is. Waste of a good nightlife, but what the hell, the Japs are only kinky to the extent of using paper fans and chopsticks.



Then mankind went into shock after seeing what it had done, and the Soviets and the Americans satisfied themselves with a cold war where they manipulated the other pussy little nations into following their own agenda, dividing the world into factions.



While America provided armaments of dubious purpose to various countries to strategically oppose the efforts of the Soviets, the Soviets were not stupid and inactive themselves. America drove the Iraqis against the Iranians, and Bush came back much later to get the oil. Poor Iranians think America is on their side, and suddenly they are faced with war, without American help for their defence. They run to China.



Meanwhile India tests its own nuclear prowess. A 1974 test later, India Gandhi is facing the wrath of the west.







(You know what? She DID manage to do that)



Bhutto decides its high time Pakistan joins in the fray.







(I believe they ended up smoking it)



China has its own agenda, becomes Nuclear Empowered, and starts giving out Nuclear technology left right and center. Pakistan, Korea, Iran, and possibly even Sauid Arabia.



Bill Clinton came along, fooled around with Cigars and Monica Lewinsky.







He didn’t exactly end up diverting attention, but he did manage to send a few missiles to Sudan, Afghanistan and Iraq. He didn’t exactly package them properly, because they exploded when they reached.



Now America needs the support of India, or it will get stuck in a near cold-war like situation again. India is a backward country, in dire need of infrastructure, and America does not want to allow India to become self-sufficient when it comes to energy. Hence the N-deal, which no one believes to be an entirely good idea. Obviously, there are politicians like Bush on one side and Sonia on the other.