Creatures

Funny how when it is the middle of the night and you are in yeoor, every rustle of a tree, every leaf and shadow turns out to be a leopard. What the leopard acually do was slink around the compund a few times, and more or less got ignored by us and passed off as a dog. Once it actually came, we didn't really freak out because it was more or less excited, and we were tired after all the false alarms.

We got up early morning to the crowing of a rooster, and Wasim was telling me that the crow throghout most of the morning. Suddenly something struck me... why the fuck did roosters crow in the morning? Like something I have known all my life and never questioned it... obviously, the question will only arise after coming to understand how evolution actually works, but its weird for us to assume that roosters crow in the morning just to wake humans up and signal them the morn. Contrary to popular belief, it is not in happiness of the rising sun... this kind of ritual is actually virtually absent amongst animals... peacocks dance as a part of the mating ritual, and not in forecast of the monsoon. Hey, as a sidetracked idea, maybe human rituals evolved in this fashion. Coming back, it is also improbably that the rooster will crow as a part of the mating call, because if roosters were to mate every morning, I am sure I would have heard of it. Then why the hell do roosters crow? It would in fact make evolutionary sense for one to argue that roosters who signal the morn for the benefit of humans, as these humans would prefer to breed only sun-signalling roosters, but a) there hasn't been enough time in co-existence or this to evolve and 2) such a thing would forecast a disturbing picture of future animal evolution. Anyway, as the internet reveals to me, after putting me through a few gay porn pages just because of the use of the word "cock" and a few jokes like "The rooster crows in the morning because the husband has to utilise the little time he has in the morning to speak all he can and then he has to shut up"... I found the reason... the rooster crows because it is marking its territory like dogs.



came back from yeoor, got over the mild hangover, and visited a friend. The friend and I were contemplating on where to sit so we decided to go to a park. Note that the said friend is extremely afraid of dogs.



Aashray: Are you sure there aren't dogs there?



Me: If there are, I will throw a stone at them



A: (As if throwing a stone will anger the dog) NO! no, we don't throw any stones at the dog



M: Ok, we run away



A: (as if running away will encourage the dog to follow suit): No, I am not running anywhere



M: Don't want to waste your energy?



A: Don't want to waste the dog's energy in running behind me



M: Ok, I will throw a stone at the dog, then run away from it, drawing it behind me



A: How do you know it will not go after the stupid uy who stays back



M: If it runs towards you instead of me, then start running



A: Same bloody thing you bastard, by then it will be too late to start running



M: We both run then



A: It will probably come after me, I am larger and slower



M: That's why you should get thinner than I am



A: Fat bloody chance



M: OK then, I will throw the stone at it, and you start running away, I will stay back



Aashray is silenced at this point and goes something like "err..." The logic break is supplemented by the fact that we discover that there are no dogs in the park (which we have reached while talking). The conversation shifts to a couple we spot getting cozy on a park bench. We contemplate sitting on either side of them. We chuck the idea and instead contemplate pretending to be a couple too, and it finds expression in the form of a further contemplation of sitting on either side of a sleeping man, and to use a pathetic english translation of a very popular hindi phrase, waking him up and acting as if he is the bone in the kebab between us. We instead chuck all contemplations, find a place and start contemplating about dicks as somehow we invariably end up doing. At this point of time, a bird starts singing and another one starts too, further away.



A: Notice the change in tune of the two birds?



M: No whats the difference?



Bird A: ku-ku-ku


Bird B: ku-ku-ku-ku-ku



A: One is going (wave throughout) ku-ku-ku, and the other one is going ku-ku-ku-ku-ku



Bird A: ku-ku-ku


Bird B: ku-ku-ku-ku-ku



M: Aren't both going ku-ku-ku?



Bird A: ku-ku-ku


Bird B: ku-ku-ku-ku-ku



A: No listen carefully, one is going ku-ku-ku and the other is going ku-ku-ku and then ku-ku... there is a ku-ku more



Bird A: ku-ku-ku


Bird B: ku-ku-ku-ku-ku



Me: ku-ku-ku and ku-ku-ku-ku-ku?



A: No, ku-ku-ku and ku-ku-ku-ku-ku



M: (imating the bird) ku-ku-ku-ku-ku?



A: Yes



Bird A: ku-ku-ku



M: ku-ku-ku-ku-ku



He stays silent while I listen intently to notice the difference



Bird A: ku-ku-ku


Bird B: ku-ku-ku-ku-ku


Bird A: ku-ku-ku


Bird B: ku-ku-ku-ku-ku


Bird A: ku-ku-ku


Bird B: ku-ku-ku-ku-ku


Bird A: ku-ku-ku


Bird B: ku-ku-ku-ku-ku


Bird A: ku-ku-ku



A: Why the hell do they just don't save themselves the trouble and go fuck each other?



M: It does not work that way... maybe there are no females around and they are both males trying to attract them





Bird A: ku-ku-ku


Bird B: ku-ku-ku-ku-ku


A: By now they should have realised that there are no females around



Bird A: ku-ku-ku


Bird B: ku-ku-ku-ku-ku



M: Males of all species keep trying even when they know they don't have a chance in hell yaar...



Bird A: ku-ku-ku



A: hmmm



Bird A: ku-ku-ku



A: Hey one of them stopped whisteling



(long pause, where we both listen intently)



A: Hey! the other one also stopped now!



M: I think I got it



I start whisteling imitating the bird



M: Ku-ku-ku



A: Yeah, you got it



M: ku-ku-ku



Bird A: ku-ku-ku



A: Hey the bird started again!



M: ku-ku-ku



Bird A: ku-ku-ku



A: The other bird is not replying now!



M: ku-ku-ku



Bird A: ku-ku-ku



M: Hey! maybe it is replying to me!



M: ku-ku-ku



Bird A: ku-ku-ku



A: Shit! it IS indeed replying to you!



M: ku-ku-ku



Bird A: ku-ku-ku



A: Stop whisteling! A dog might show up, dogs have an affinity for whistles



M: The dog will anyway come listening to the bird



A: Dog's have an affinity for HUMAN whistles



M: (Ignoring his point) the bird must be whisteling for the dog since the other bird is not replying



A: Why? To tease the dog?



M: (Ignoring him again) ku-ku-ku



A: (Trying a new line of thought): You might wake up the sleeping man, and he might not be too happy with it



M: What now even humans have an affinity for whistles?



A: yes, and he might think you are calling him a dog, and not be too happy with that



M: I'll tell him I was imitating the bird



A: He will think you are calling him a bird, and might not be too happy with that



M: Oh I'll think of something



A: What will you tell him, "Should I call you a dog instead of a bird?"



The guy does not wake up, no dogs show up, and we decide to go our ways home.