Where do babies come from?

Due a number of reasons, am pretty confused about the whole thing – this is what I have so far figured out, but I am sure there is more to this than meets the eye. First a bee pollinates a flower by sticking its proboscis into what I believe is the gynoecium. If you think that it is ridiculous that a bee actually fucks a flower (orally or otherwise), think again. There are some kinds of orchids that grow in weird ways so look like a wasp ready to mate, so that the male wasp comes in and… to use a totally inappropriate word… pollinates. So if bees help plants make kids, it may also help other creatures in the same kingdom. So the bee does it bit… which is the stage commonly referred to as “the deflowering.” Things going wrong at this stage can lead to disastrous consequences, from which phrases like “there is a bee in your bonnet!” and “don’t be such a bird-brain!” originate.



Anyway, after the bee has done its bit… in top secret organization called “Society for The cOnsumption of Rotting Kids”, not a terribly good acronym, but speaks of their eventual agenda, and the alien-Google management was hell-bent on making the organization an acronym of STORK. Anyway, so STORK processes the fertilized egg obtained and incubates them in test tubes, after which the artificially inseminated abducted aliens give birth to babies. Now Google, as part of its plans to breed an army of remote controlled people as part of their whole world dominion schema, implant tiny microchips into the brains of the kids. Storks then deliver the kid to the unsuspecting parents… in modern times however, the babies are directly teleported into the womb of the mother.



Of course, everyone knows how stinky, dirty, smelly little kids are pure evil. Look at all the evil guys in the world like Blackbeard, Al Capone, Dick Terrapin, Osama Bin Laden, Jack the Ripper, God, Jesse James, Ned Kelly, Tom Keating, Count Victor Lustig (a great con artist who sold the Eiffel tower to unsuspecting tourists, and inspired Bunty Aur Bubly, probably a con of its own), Guy Fawkes, Voldemort, Dawood Ibrahim, Robin Hood, Moses, Francis Drake, Phineas Barnum, Horatio Bottomley, Mahatma Gandhi et cetera ALL STARTED OUT AS KIDS. Based on this amazing finding, a life cycle of an average kid is drawn out here:






Ah well, as a wise man once said “when the birds and the bees come together, terrible things happen.”