It happens to be the time of my life when I am supposed to go out into the world and find myself a job. In this day and age, the easiest way to bag a job is to go online... at least that is what a bunch of friends suggested. The online portals doing the rounds hereabouts (in Mumbai) are timesjobs.com, monster.com and shine.com. A little background here is necessary, I am a graduate... the course was BMM, thats Bachelor of Mass Media for the uninitiated, with a specialisation in journalism. I am therefore not suitable for a job in the IT/Telecom/Banking - Finance/BPO or Hospitality industries, and these sectors have the lion's share of openings. The timesjobs portal, belonging to the times group, went overboard with the advertising as usual. The only remotely suitable media job was with a theatre, and not exactly being spoilt with choice, I clicked on 'army placement agency' to see if I would be any good in the army. Turns out the link was for employers to take people OUT of the army, and into their businesses. For what purpose, I did not bother to find out. Monster.com has the stereotypical monster mascot, green with purple and black hair, a yellow nose that is like an inside out funnel, and a mouthful of teeth. This monster, according to their ads in television, appears magically and puts you in a suitable workplace. I'll give them credit for being the best made site out of the three I happened to scope out, with also the most jobs available. Here, I really was spoilt for choice, but the credentials of the potential employers was pretty dubious. For example, I was perfectly suitable for the post of a sub editor at "key 2 job consulting pvt ltd" only they were looking for "editors with a Journalism/media background having a flare for English". Shine.com claims to get a perfect job "match" for you, a bit rich considering they categorised media along with fashion, entertainment and art. Let's just say there are things rarer than rain in the Sahara.
This is not to say I went to a lot of efforts to find a job, the next step I took was to send my resume to a couple of places. Four days passed, with no replies, and I was discussing the matter over with a friend, who pointed out a very relevant point - that it would be easier to find a job if I had a contact.
I did find a contact... from a friend. It was this guy who made a living killing ants. Now if I were to work for him, my job profile would be to bring ants to him, or if they were too massive to be transported or in large quantities, I would have to bring him to the ants. Finding the ants, would have been my primary engagement, but he would kill the ants, because that was - is his job. Animal rights activists need not worry, because there is always a stock of breeding queen ants kept to ensure (1) that ants don't become extinct and (2) that there are always enough ants to kill. The species of the ants does not matter, it is only the quantity that generated the profits. The man who kills ants for a living respects his occupation, and does not torture the ants unduly, like cutting off the legs and watching them struggle, despite the pleasure of such engagements. The actual killing itself is accomplished in one swift squish, and he has so much experience that the last ant that he squished and did not die was in the year 1983. He is one of the select few to be awarded a super jet black belt sigma six rating, along with the dabbawallahs and Jesus Christ.
The long and short of it - I really am jobless.