Monday, October 31, 2005

Da Vinci Code

Began to read the code again... and noticed something terribly clever that Dan Brown has done. At the beggening of the book, there is a page which claims everything on the page to be a "fact" and notes three things.
1) That the Priory of sion was established in 1099. That sometime in the seventies, biblotheque nationale at Paris discovered a list of Priory Grandmasters, including Newton, Vinci, and later in the novel, as we find out, Flamel.
This is wrong, the Priory was established in 1956. There is no such list in the Bibliotheque National, as can be seen by searching for "les dossiers secrets" at their online catalogue.

2) Something about the Opus Dei, which is mostly true

3) A line that says that all descriptions of art, architechture, documents and secret rituals are true.

Art: the painting near the Mona Lisa is not a Caravaggio, as seen in the prologue. Architechture : There are many inconsistancies on the locations of the buildings in Paris. Documents: As stated above, the dossiers DO NOT exist.

The joke is on the reader, because Dan Brown is very clever because the 'fact' page appears after the pages of acclaim, the note from the publishers, the dedication, the acknowledgements, and most importanltly, immideately after the name of the book appears on a blank page. This is the marking for the start of the book, (to be more precise, the work of fiction) which means everything beyond this point can only be considered to be made up by the author, or utter fiction, or to use a better phrase, utter lies. Therefore, although Dan Brown states a few things as a fact, he is allowed to lie. There is one delibrate lie, which is the invention of "les dossiers secrets", everything else can be forgiven as a mistake.

Seems like a cheap trick to pull eh?

Actually, I don't grudge Dan Brown too much. Although I still think that it is a bit unethical that the fact that he has lied is not openly known, it does add to the charm of the book. In fact, the sucess of the book can only be attributed to this.

I have read a few stories that authors have passed off as "real", Ruskin Bond in his story about the Jinn, and Michael Moorcock in what I am pretty sure is a book titled "Nomad of the time streams" says the book was a memoir by his Grandfather. All lies, but pretty convincing. I went around believing for a few days that Jinns who could stretch their hands indefinately, and had an affinity for long haired girls were real! (In my defence, I was very young back then).

I want to see how they will pull off the lie in the movies. They cannot show a pretext saying that the priory, les dossiers or the intricate web of symbology (the profession does not exit outside the code) is the truth, or they can be brought to task. I hope there is a controversy over this, because as Dan Brown rightly says in the code, "everybody loves a controversy".

Bangalore all set to have a blast

That is one of the headlines in the Deccan Herald, normally a very sensitive paper. Donno why they had to set such an unsuitable headline. The article is actually all about Bangalore getting ready to celebrate Diwali despite the heavy deluge of rains.
The blasts, have obviously, affected a lot of people. But the typical Indian resiliance will pull them through. I think most of the resilience is just pretending nothing happened in the first place... and talk about it in excited tones later. People keep doing this for Black Friday.
This is a mail from a friend... a first hand account of the situation in Delhi.

"I m fine...But it was bad here..durin the blasts I was at home...Saw
the news on tv like u all..N the city is a lot disturbed.."

Internet groups soon burst into activity, all talking about the blasts. I think, blasts are so common that they have become a part of our lives. Although the city was put in high alert, as were other metropolitans, I don't think there was anyreal panic amongst the citizens. They were taking it in their stride, without getting scared or affected by the blasts. I think, this is the best way to combat terrorism... by not getting terrorised.

David Copperfield

Read (most of) (an abriged version of) David Copperfield. Noticed that the book was just a charachter sketch... just showed the life of this entire individual. Although his life was more than slightly depressing and slightly boring.
Noticed that such books aren't written any more. Fictitious biographies... was that a style of writing at some time? Have to see if I can find more of those books.
Nice read, liked the way the people are: neither good, nor bad. For example, Dora, David Copperfield's first wife is stupid and incompetant. There are many sub stories in the book: That of Emily, of his aunt, of his maid, of even Mr Brakis. The book actually shows the complex connections in a life as if it were that of a real individual. Likes the fact that he finally settles down with Agnes.
Nice read.

Leaf - flower

In my grand-aunt's garden, there is a flowering plant known as "haalu gauri" which has one of the most unique flowers I've ever seen. The petals are not independant of the leaves, and are not adjoined, but grown in on the leaves near the petiole (the stalk of the leaf) itself. The plant has small Ovid pink leaflets, which gives the appearance of being a flower, but the leaflet grows and the rest of the lamina becomes green, although an ovoid area closest to the petiole remains pink (slightly larger than the size of the original leaflet).
Flowers evolved for the purpose of protecting the inner whorls (androecium and gynacium) and to attract insects for the purpose of pollination. The Haalu Gauri has another evolutionary strategy to combat this. What I wonder is:
1) What are the advantages of this flower over normal flowers
2) If there are other plants with such flowers, or if the HAalu Gauri is really unique.

Unfortunately, a net search in both google and a kannada translation engine ( KannadaKAsturi.com) did not yield the English name of the flower.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Lizard socks

So my grand - Aunt was watching a lizard one day. What was facinating her enough to continue watching it was the fact that it appeared to be weating socks. On all its legs, as well as it's tail. It seemed to be stuck to that place, so she picked it up, put it in an old matchbox, and took it over to a zoologist she happened to know.
I was thinking along the lines of it getting caught in a spider web. This won't come as a surprise, but it was apparently shedding. I KNEW lizards do that... but never struck me.
Imagine having to get out of tight clothes - that was how much the lizard had to struggle. Now imagine clothes as tight as your skin.

Bangalore

The garden city has changed a lot. Seen it using google earth and it did not exactly come across as green. Seeing it first hand, and it has changed drastically since the last time I was here.
I used to remember, every time I used to come over here as a kid, there used to be a cool, refreshing air about the city. There used to be a characteristic smell, and a sense to the whole city that I cannot explain. Now, it feels like I am still at Mumbai. The pace has become as frantic. This might not seem as a very recognizable thing to someone who has lived in the same city or similar cities for a long time, but it is pretty noticeable when it comes to Bangalore. For example, shopkeepers no longer small talk you.
The Bus service is pretty efficient, although the frequency is not too good. The roads, are however, horrible. In Mumbai, the drivers were rash and arrogant, but when in a mess, they all worked together to make the situation better. In Bangalore, the mentality is that if I can't get my way, you can't either. In Mumbai, there is a complete lack of road sense, but no lack of skill. Bangalore drivers lack both road sense as well as skill. I drove with my aunt and uncle for about forty minutes, witnessed five jams, and it took a longer time to get sorted out because each subsequent vehicle thought that it could squeeze through.

Much more to blog, particularly pics from google earth at home. There are a whole bunch of notes that I haven't put up here... more to come after the vacations. Might not be able to blog tomorrow, going to a place where I might not have access to the net.

It all started with Hippocrates

Read a book titled "It all started with hippocrates." One book that is funny, and is full of puns instead of jokes. This is a rarity, as a continous barrage of puns becomes irritating. Another exception is the Asterix series.

Nice read, the book is about the history of medicine which is, as the cover states, thankfully brief. Ufortunately, no research on Indian medicine is done or made fun of. Damn them.

Cannot wait to get my hands on "It all started with Columbus" though

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Monk who sold his ferrari

First self help book I have ever read - only because it was well disguised as a story. Liked the line by Sizuki "I'm an artist at living - my life is my work of art"

Good thing about this book is that not only does it suggest excellent techniques... but also motivates you to follow them. Will change anyone who reads it.

One simple technique, really effective: Think about something else if you catch yourself thinking the same thing twice.

Mobile phone is hopefully repaired... getting charged right now. Will see. Cost me a grand and a fifth. Use google calculator to experiment... cool stuff.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

South Indian soaps

South Indian Sopas can all sell as realistic serials, same Jassi thing, but they are really realistic. Lack of beauty (actually sexuality) does not lie in thick glasses and braces, instead in a slight stoutness or unkempt hair (yes, you see it on television here). These soaps actually make sense, and address issues like drug abuse, treatment to aged people and the law when dealing with medical patients. For example, there is a soap called Mukta, has an amaxzing battle between a daughter and her father... to treat her mother and his wife. They want to follow the guidance of seperate doctors. The daughter apparently commits a crime when she gets her mother removed from a hospital where sh had been admitted by her father. The soap rides ONLY on the legal standpoint to the whole issue and nothing else.
South Indian soaps are everything Jassi promised to be. If only someone would steal them and remake them in hindi...

Anyway, here is a compelete list of google bombs.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Google_bomb

Fun with google

Try www.bhenchod.com

Go to google.co.in, type 'failure' and click "I'm feeling lucky"
Also try 'answer to life the universe and everything', 'french military victories', 'weapons of mass destruction' and 'miserable filure'

Check out http://www.alltooflat.com/geeky/elgoog/m/index.cgi or go to www.466453.com

To get any program "inurl:adobe filetype:zip" tweak the sht. You know.

add datemod=x to find reults x days old

To view webcams
inurl:"ViewerFrame?Mode="
inurl:"MultiCameraFrame?Mode="
inurl:"view/index.shtml"
eg: this


more later

also on the concept of ubersexuality nice one that

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

untitled

Will title it sometime

The following is the text obtained from the last page of the Diary of Satish Rao. The entry was dated the eighth of October 2004. Satish Rao was hanged for the murder of eleven people on the ninth of October 2004. People may recall the famous January train massacre of 2004, where bodies were found along the tracks and within the 21:41 fast local from CST to Kalyan. Names have been changed to protect the identities of the people concerned.
-Mangesh Mittal, Attorney, Mittal and Sons.

I thought I was a little on the nutty till I met Nitin. He was this stout fellow with a jovial expression on his face, and he convinced me that I was normal. Sure I thought of doing unusual things, behaved in a slightly unconventional manner, but I was never your run of the mill, in your face, penguins are born to be fed with self-written haiku kind of lunatic.
Nitin was, and is, but no one knows. No one except me. Whatever he did, his wild actions, his sudden mood swings, his overexcited uncontrolled behavior that suddenly surfaced, and even his fascination with inventing newfound ways to torture birds were all taken as a joke. This was what everybody saw. I unfortunately, became a close friend of his, and knew more about him.
He had, for example, once frightened a pigeon off with an air gun, half-boiled the egg she was sitting on, and then replaced it. The pigeon wouldn’t leave till the egg hatched. The egg would never hatch.
He had an abnormal paranoia about the entire cosmos. Sometimes he could not distinguish the real world from his dreams, and often mixed the two, and referred to non-existent things and never-occurred events while he spoke. Even I passed these things off as normal idiosyncrasies that people possess, and I was no exception.
I had mood swings too – those that lasted much longer though. I spoke English with a strange vocabulary that few could comprehend – and I sometimes encouraged it to give people an illusion of my own cleverness. I thought I was clever… that was till I met Nitin.
We formed an entire circle of friends. Johanon became a third friend of ours. It took too much trouble explaining the correct pronunciation of his name, so people called him John. John, Nitin and I were sort of a group within the group because we met up more often than the rest. Life was pretty much normal, as normal as the life of three friends, two of them slightly insane, can be.
We were returning from a rock show when the whole thing happened. It was late at night, but we were quite a gang. Six guys, four girls, returning home in a fast train from VT. Nitin and John were there. I was hanging out with a bottle of Pepsi. Apart from our group, which was concentrated around the doorway, and one row of seats, there were just two businessmen in the entire compartment – they were sleeping. Byculla came, and six hooligans climbed on. A bunch of young men, none of them over twenty four, and one might not even be nineteen. They were all dressed in old clothes that had not been washed for at least a week, and were all armed with choppers. Two also had guns. Their purpose was clear. They stripped us of all valuables, and put it in a bag.
They got six gold chains, four pairs of earrings, three bangles, nine wrist watches, two mp3 players, one walkman and nine mobile phones, and more than four thousand rupees in hard cash. Then they moved to the sleeping businessmen, who had stirred and had ideas about defending themselves because both of them were bigger than any two of the hooligans combined.
The robbers, were however either extremely seasoned or extremely motivated. It happened very quickly, and even now I don’t clearly remember actually seeing any blood. There was a gunshot, and the businessman simply collapsed. The other fellow didn’t hesitate before handing over his bag.
We were all herded into one part of the compartment when we noticed that Nitin was not around us. The hooligans searched the far end of the compartment, and Nitin showed up, calmly, with a packet of popcorn in his hand.
The rest of the incident happened with all of us herded together in one corner, with the light falling on Nitin and the hooligans. The city rushed by outside, with the rhythmic beating of the train rushing over the tracks.
One of the older robber, the one with one of the guns, pointed his weapon straight at Nitin’s forehead. The other surrounded him. Nitin offered him some popcorn. This unnerved the gangster. His gun slipped a fraction of an inch. Nitin had him by the collar, and thrust him upwards. Things happened swiftly, but I can never forget what happened next. The gun went off, and the gangster immediately behind Nitin collapsed to the ground. Nitin pushed the man he was holding upwards, and with one mighty thrust, the cover of the fan fell off, and the robber’s head was introduced to the blades.
It was an unpleasant meeting. Blood splattered all around, stunning the remaining four gangsters. Nitin quickly left the man he had just killed using the fan to fall to the ground with his other fallen comrade, and began to openly fight with the remaining four. Emboldened, John and I joined in. I did not see what the rest were doing. I went for the smallest looking guy and punched him in the face. His chopper flew out of the train. He was near the door, and I was on the inside. He punched me back in my stomach but I was holding onto the railing on top, so I swung backwards instead of being hurt. Like a pendulum, I began to swing back towards him, realized what was going to happen. I mustered all the energy I had and gave the robber one huge kick on his chest, and he fell out of the train.
I turned back to see John with a cut hand and a bleeding lip slumped over a body that was profusely bleeding from the stomach. He had been stabbed. Another robber was nowhere to be seen, and I learnt later that Nitin had managed to throw him out of the train. All the others had beaten up the remaining man, and he was whimpering on the floor.
To everyone’s shock, Nitin shot him point blank. Everyone just stared at Nitin, more in shock of everything that had happened than what Nitin had just done. I was partly in my senses, and was staring at the back of Nitin’s head. Nitin sensed it, turned around, and stared right back at me.
I somehow knew what was going to happen. “it’s all over” he said. He flashed me a smile. If anything, it was jovial. Innocent. Even lovable. His eyes were sparkling, they were smiling too… but they gave him away. I saw bloodlust, but no one ever believed me.
Nitin turned to Nukul. Nukul probably didn’t even know the bullet was headed his way before he crumpled to the floor because of it. He didn’t offer an explanation to the rest. They died because of Nitin’s bullets too. Soon, it was only me and the crippled John. He had killed the four girls, the two remaining boys and the businessman, all in cold blood.
Nitin pointed this out. “So now, its just the three of us.” How funny, he said, “there are three bullets left”
He shot one each into John’s kneecaps. John screamed and fainted ten seconds later. Nitin began kicking some bodies out of the train. One of them was John’s – he was still alive. I momentarily thought of pushing Nitin out, but knew I couldn’t do it. Nitin stopped for some reason, and caught a chair and sat down. He asked me to come and sit, and I sat down.
“Are you still a friend?” he asked me. “How can you expect me to be?” He began to cry. He told me that he was insane. I told him to tell me something I didn’t know. He punched me so hard that I was winded and started to bleed from the mouth. He told me to forgive him. I was in no state to refuse. He begged me not to tell anyone. I promised. He gave me the gun and begged me to kill him. I couldn’t do it.
The sudden light showed that Dadar was coming up. A pretty crowded station. Good, I was saved I thought. Nitin suddenly topped crying. He looked up. The train began to slow down.
There was no hint of a tear. There was instead, that ambiguous smile again. He stared right into me and his smile broadened. “Thank you” he said. People started climbing into the train with loud thuds, realized the massacre that had happened and a cry went down. Nitin got up. He said “now they will think it’s you” and he bolted.
I realized a fraction of a second later that I had the gun. I ran after him, in a crazed frenzy, seeking revenge for everything that happened. I shot after him, missed, and my bullet found some kid. People ran away from me. Nitin had disappeared. I made the mistake of trying to fire the gun again, despite knowing that it was now empty.
People understood I was unarmed. They came and began beating me, and I lost consciousness before too many people got to me, but when I woke up later, I know it had been painful.
There were too many witnesses of my actions. I even failed the lie detector test. I wasn’t to be sent to an asylum, instead to the gallows.
My hanging is tomorrow. Half an hour ago, Nitin came to visit me. He got me a few sweets, smiled at me, and offered me consolation in the form of “don’t worry, you are not my first.”
Let this be a warning to people who will survive me, and I hope he real nature of the incident will be revealed to the world.
-Satish Rao

Again, it is important to note, that it was established through various psychological tests conducted during the confinement of Mr. Satish Rao, that he was mentally disturbed. There is no way to establish if this was solely due to the incident in the train. One must take into consideration the possibility that Satish was perverted to the core, and even in his dying moments, managed to give his former friend, the person here known as Nitin, a sore blow. Nitin has been taken in for questioning, and has cleared the lie detector test, and no charges have been filed against him.
-Mangesh Mittal, Attorney, Mittal and Sons.

-Aditya MJ

The rough guide to The Da Vinci Code

Finished the book.

Some handpicked inaccuracies, along with links I looked up

The Templar Knights were established in 1119. There was no such thing as the Priory of Sion during the crusades. The Priory was invented by Plantard in the 1950s - registered in France as a social club.

The genealogies supporting the Jesus Bloodline "discovered" at the Bibliotheque National in Paris (Dan Brown even goes ahead and lies about the catalogue number, to lend credibility to his lies, Number 4 1m1 249). A visit to the Bibliotheque, or an online search of its database reveals no such dossiers exist. Which means that the list of Grandmasters was conjured entirely by Dan Brown. Nicolas Flamel, Isaac Newton, Leonardo Da Vinci were all never a part of a goddess worshipping cult known as the priory of sion.

Da vinci was not a flamboyant Homosexual. He was accused of Sodomy once, but the charges were withdrawn. Dan Brown stretches everything just a little bit too much, and fabricates claiming he does not do it at all, to make the web of cross connections in his novel.

Vitruvius, an architect of the Roman empire, tried to create a picture of a perfect human being, using the Divine proportion. He said that a figure drawn in a square, within a circle, with the centers of both the circle and the square at the belly button of the man. doing this gave rise to bizarre distortions in the human figure, huge limbs, and huge dicks.

Check this link out to see: click here

Da Vinci just adjusted the geometry to suit his figure, so the man is in a circle and a square, but they are not centered. Therefore, all the symbolism about pentacles and perfect symmetry and proportion, all evaporate.

The Virgin of the rocks is NOT referred to as the Madonna of the Rocks, the curator of the Louvre would undoubtedly know this... so the anagram "so dark the con of man" is just nonsense.

Da Vinci never invented the cryptex... although he had many other weird inventions to his name. The cryptex is a fabrication of Dan Brown's, which does not even work. We believe basic things about his novels... like vinegar destroys papyrus. It does not. Sophie and Langdon could have smashed the rosewood cryptex apart... and nothing would have happened.

John the baptist is often depicted with feminine characters. A more probably explanation of the feminine appearance of the figure sitting next to Jesus in the last supper, would be that he simply looked like a her, rather than the Draconian Devil's devious way of showing the actual nature of the grail. here is , a picture of John looking pretty feminine.
Read more about the stupid interpretation in the code about the last supper here: http://www.irr.org/da-vinci-code.html#Part%202

The argument according to the code was that there was a debate in the third century if Jesus was God or Mortal. Actually, the debate was between to factions, one claiming Jesus to be the son of God, the other claiming that God, Jesus and the Holy Ghost always existed as the holy trinity. The code says hat when the matter was put to vote, there was a "relatively close" outcome. Dan Brown's definition of relatively close is 218 to 2.

Newton died on March 20, 1727, and was buried on March 28. Alexander Pope was not there to deliver the eulogy Dan Brown has attributed to him, and was an integral part of the plot. Instead, much later, there was just an epitaph by him, "Nature and Nature's laws lay hid in night/ God said, ":et Newton be!" and all was light."

Yeah, an epitaph is almost a burial (like water is almost coffee), so the facts were not bent too much.

Note: JC Squire's later riposte: 'It did not last, the Devil howling 'Ho! / Let Einstein Be!' restored the status quo.

There are other inaccuracies, like Isis was never referred to as l'isa, something invented by Dan Brown. Anagrams were never referred to as the Ars Magna (which is just an anagram of the word anagram). There are various geographic inaccuracies in the locations. Symbology is not even a science, there are no symbologists like Langdon in the real world. Sophie cannot be a cryptographer, as that is not a profession, the word is cryptanalyst.

Aringrossa means "Red Herring". This was something I found pretty cool. Fits in nicely in the plot.

Another deconstruction
http://www.xenos.org/essays/deconstruct_davinci.htm

A bunch of deconstructions

http://www.apologeticsindex.org/d50aad.html

Study everything around the code (historically accurate)

http://witcombe.sbc.edu/davincicode/contents-schedule.html

BT plagiarises

http://sunildmonte.blogspot.com/2005/10/extra-bombay-times-plagiarises.html

Always knew it. All mags do it, but its a different thing when the Times does it. Fucking bastards plagiarise. Will go home, find more articles they have lifted, and put it all up. Well worth the labour.

Right now working on a short story... will put that up Asap.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Blogging from Bangalore

The last time I was here, I blogged from the cybercafe ten meters away. My uncle and aunt live in a new house now and it is really cool in every sense of the word.
The bus journey was more than anything else slightly more inconvinient than can be justified by the cost. Therefore I am going back by train... if and when I do decide to go back.
i have left everything behind... work, family, and am missing some newfound friends. But am also enjoying being here, nice change and shit like that. Speaking of shit, will describe the bus journey.

In the beggening they had out red fm on the speakers, making it a tiresome thing to listen to because the jockeys were trying to have the chemistry of the Jaggu-Tarana jodi on GMM but were failing, especially because neither was spontaneous. Bad program. Bad songs. Then they showe Ram-Balram, and I promplty went to sleep through most of the movie. Woke up in the middle of Pune, after catching picteresque glimpses of the Mumbai-Pune Highway. Had the food in the bus itself, and after a wenty minute break, the bus started again. They showed Bunty aur Babli, and I had already seen it. Became too irritated by Babli's crying and began to rea animal farm.
Airtel found it fit to show I was at Khandala even on the Pune_kholapur highway. The bus stopped in some weird place in the iddle of nowhere, and I got down to pee. Bad mistake. My bowels were activated, and the pee would not stop coming out, but I realised a bit too late that there was unflushed shit in the toilet I was peeing in, not surprising because there WAS no flush. I felt like vomitting, so I didn't look downwards while peeing, which meant that I couldn't see where I was aiming.
I emerged from the toilet after enriching parts of it I thought I wouldn't be able to reach. I could hear the trinkle falling everywhere but the shit...
I am sorry, and will not name the hotel or the toilet in case you ever visit there. I am disgusted at this too, but it was either my pee getting everywhere or my dinner.

PS I don't like her any more...
I posess the fine art of accismus.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Impulsive decisions

Late yesterday evening, Two friends called up and told me that they were headed for a rockshow and asked me to come over. They were half - way there, but I followed anyway. It was at NITIE at L&T in Kanjur Marg. Going to Kanjur MArg station was not a problem. Found a rickshaw driver and asked him to take me to L&T. He took me to IIT. Took the same rick to L&T, but could not find NITIE and could not communicate with my friends because there was too much noise.



walked down a road after taking another rick to NITIE, and found myself in front of a RamLeela. Damned thing... almost decided to watch it, but talked to the friend and went to the rock show.



Orange street and Vaayu played. I liked Orange street more, the face-offs between the drummer and thetabla player was some real entertainment.

I was just staring at the sky, on my back listening to the songs. The volunteers thought that I was drugged and came to check me out. When they saw that I was only enjoying it, they flashed the victory sign at me.
I almost flashed the middlefinger, but raised the index just in time, to flash the victory back.

Bloody impulsive decision to go at the last moment - but worth it.

And yeah, I am heading to Bangalore today. Another impulsive one...

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Ergo

Two psychopaths were talking together in the mess. One told the other “I swear by God it was an accident. I know what really happened, and I have no way of proving it. I know in my heart that I don’t deserve this place.”

The other said “OK”.

The autopsy did not show anything unusual.


I tag all wannabe psychopaths reading this. 55 words.

erm... ... .... .....

I just hope no friend reads this blog. Coolest thing ever happened today. Went and met the prof and found out that I had topped in one of the projects for one of the subjects. Feels nice, although I know I will be middlish in my overall marks.

I have had no hangover. Hopefully going to Bangalore tomorrow...

reading Animal Farm by George Orwell right now... pretty, boring book.

Will do the 55 word story thing right now.

Titled: Ego

Sita heard the cry. Lakshman knew that it was the enemy’s devilish magic.
Sita asked him to go help her husband. Lakshman explained to her that it was impossible for any tragedy to befall him.
Sita reasoned. Lakshman remained truthful to his orders.

Sita accused him of being a traitor and a spy.

Lakshman left.

Nice things

Loads of stuff have been happening lately. Going from extereme happiness to extereme depression and more often than not, mild confusion. Am heading over to Bangalore tomorrow on a spur-of the moment decision. Nice place, loads of relatives, think I will have fun.

Next blog I blog will be from Bangalore... hopefully.

Friday, October 21, 2005

I have my blog

I have no idea what is going on right now. Have been dragged down and put into mud... and am enjoying that feeling. Am at a friend's place right now. I am not thinking straight and am blogging this as one of my... ok I will say it... best friends is singing a love song to me...

now I want to fall in love.

I think I will blog later when I am in my senses...

Hey thought for the day:

Love is worse than Vodka.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Semiresults

Results are due tomorrow, but the roughest form of the results were put up on the notice board: people who had passed and people who were ATKTs. I have passed, but that is not the most important part right now.

Heavily infatuated, and loving it...

IIPM

All I am going to say is that IIPM has a bunch of paranoid freaks in the management. Can insult them further, but no fucking use, they are already making fools of themselves and I am happy.
Its pretty much common knowledge that such institutions do not actually give you an MBA. Even the IIM does not have an MBA but somethin that is technically equivalent to a stupid diploma, only because it comes from IIM its not a stupid one, and in fact, is given more waitage than the bloody run of the mill MBAs. Now I don't see what the big deal is. If you are not affiliated, and if you do not offer a real MBA, but you still have the reputation of a good B-school, then I see absolutely no reason why there should be such a strong reaction to a simple, truthful statement, that does not even tarnish the reputation of the school or the credibility of the course. The fact that an ex-IIPM guy was at IBM at all proves this.
They basically messed up big time in their reaction, which was totally uncalled for. Bunch of losers with nothing to do probably...

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

erm... hypocricy?

I dont know to spell hypocricy. What I do know is that I have almost abandoned this blog... pathetic, and am not going to let that happen. Only, I am living the best days of my life and I feel it with every passing second...
And also, using the vacations to write a book.
Played badminton today, didn't exactly win, but wasn't a stupid loser either... had loads of fun hanging out with friends.
However, here is a thougt

NO one can be a hypocrite, by definition. Because hypocrites cannot be hypocrites because they are hypocrites (which they cannot be) because they are Hypocrites (which they aren't)

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

MTNL Speed



Funny I know, but it is really so

Google Earth review

A 11 MB download from www.earth.google.com and a short installation later, you basically get a virtual version of our world on your hard disk. The possibilities are endless, you can have a look at the gateway of India, elephant herds in Africa, your grandmother's house, the Niagara Falls - or, this being the best part, secret military bases - the infamous area 51 for example. This kind of capability has made entire countries pissed by this software. OK, area 51 is not as exciting as it sounds, just a few planes here and there. There is, however considerable excitement in the fact that you are allowed to explore remote and not so remote corners of the world from the convenience of a small window on our desktop.
Google earth is pretty easy to navigate, where you are allowed to move around in our directions, zoom in and zoom out, rotate yourself, and tilt. The software might give the illusion that the earth is covered in real time, ie, that the pictures that you see is the earth at that point of time. The pictures are actually taken over a span of three years, using various planes and satellites. Also, you require an Internet connection even after you have downloaded Google Earth, as the software takes in new images from the keyhole server every time you login. This is, however a very short process, and it usually does not take more than a minute to obtain high resolution pictures. Only a few cities are covered in detail in India; Delhi, Bangalore and Mumbai are one of those available in detail. In Mumbai, however, only the south Mumbai Area is clearly visible.
Google Earth, does more than merely put pieced together images of the planet on your comp. It gives road maps, labels major places of interest, it tells you how to travel from point A to point B, and it also allows you to "placemark" your favorite places. Sort of like an IE favorite, but only with a location. A Layer is a collection of preset placemarks that comes with the software. There are many layers of information available, schools, hospitals, eateries and parks all have layers of their own. However, all of this has been done more in the west than in India, but eventually the entire world is bound to be covered.
I have saved up the best feature for last. there is a layer, called 3d buildings, if you turn this on, the landscape turns into a 3 dimensional one. The buildings and terrain in the surroundings all pop out of the surface. 3d buildings are available in only a handful of cities, but when the entire world will be mapped, this software is bound to face more repercussions than the beta version is already facing.

Lipton Ice tea.

Today, while coming out of college, a friend and I decided to have something to drink. He thought Lipton Ice tea was healthy, and initially, I did not want to buy it. He got a bottle, I thought I would just walk along and take a sip or two. However, the shopkeeper told us that we would get a third free if we bought ourselves another one.

Turns out marketing gimmicks do not work on stupid people only. Or rather, turns out I am stupid after all. Now we have this tendency to sing in trains for some reason. We are unabashed about this because the college timings are such that there is very little crowd in the trains. There are amazing things that happen because of this, when we were singing “papa kehte hain” from “Qayamat se Qayamat tak” for example, the train stopped in front of a guy peeing on the tracks when the “aisa kaam karega” part came. Shocked the poor guy out of his pants – but he was already half out, so it wasn’t a difficult thing to do. Cruel friends began to scare people excreting along the tracks after this, and found it amazing to watch them fall over and such. Imagine you are happily shitting and some bunch of weirdos come along in this train and scare the shit out of you…and… er… to use the same joke twice, something that is half way out anyway. I do not endorse this behavior, and this hasn’t happened in front of me, so I could not stop it, but still, I could not stop myself from laughing when friends told me about this.
Anyway, I stray, now, this group that sings in the train (and scares the crap out of crapping people) were walking with us while we had gotten the three bottles of Lipton ice tea. We were, for some reason, singing, probably thinking that we were in the train. The point is, I was singing, and turned around slightly dancing, and my head hit this pole that was for some reason in the middle of the footpath. I lost my balance, fell to the ground, and people around me started rubbing my head and such. I was actually laughing, despite all of this, because the ringing sound that my head made against the pole was funny even to my ears. People started suggesting other people to get ice from a nearby sugarcane vendor, when I thought too much fuss was being made over me. I looked up, people were relieved to see me laughing. I got up, and two guys were laughing more than was accountable by my head hitting against the pole. I asked them what had happened, and this chap replied that apparently, when I was down, two men walked past, and one of them gestured by putting a clenched fist with a protruding thumb to his mouth. Bastard was suggesting that I was drunk.
It was only then did I realized how much like beer Lipton iced Tea looks. This means (a) I am never having iced tea again and (b) now I can consume beer at home if only I put it in a Lipton ice tea bottle.

Sex quiz:

Ok so here are all of you thinking you know a lot about sex. This whole balaenosexuality thing has made me curious. Curious about how much you guys really know about sex. Curious about which one of you ask the meaning of spooning (I know some of you who don’t) (and I also know some of you who believed that it was licking out the nostrils) and which of you make your vacation destination decisions based on that area's Assault and Battery, Consent, and Sexual Deviance laws? Which of you know venus nervosa is the clinical term for missionary style and which of you thing doing it froggy style means diving into a pool, releasing the sperm, and hoping that the female will take it in from the water… Please don’t research and answer this quiz I made… but try this out. You are allowed to pick more than one option. Leave out answers that can be true, but aren’t in general.

What is the English translation for a Chakka?
(a) Eunuch
(b) Transvestite
(c) Hermaphrodite
(d) Homosexual / Bisexual individual

What exactly are Eunuchs anyway? (Even Bhan Ji, the person who made a project on this does not have a clear idea)
(a) Guys with boobs
(b) Females with dicks
(c) Castrated males (males whose dicks have been cut off)
(d) People with both sex organs, both do not function
(e) People with both sex organs, only one functions
(f) People with both sex organs, both functional
(g) People with no sex organs (but with boobs)
(h) Homosexual / Bisexual individual

Can male/transvestite nipples produce milk?
(a) Yes
(b) No
(c) Only males
(d) Only transvestites

What can be the consequences of unprotected anal sex?
(a) Urethral infection
(b) Pregnancy
(c) AIDS and other STDs
(d) Intertrigo
(e) Laughing neighbors

What is the meaning of fellatio? (Hint: Appears in one of the scary movies, Elizabeth Shannon has a sash which reads “fellatio queen”, Bigger hint: Selma Blair gestures the act in the movie The sweetest thing. Biggest hint: What I pretended to do with the lollipop and the hookah, for people who were there) Ok, some people might know it is oral sex by now, especially the more perverted ones, so slight change in the question, what kind? (of oral sex, you dummies)
(a) Sucking
(b) Blowing
(c) Licking
(d) Mutual (69)

It is not an Urban Legend that the taste of sperm depends on the diet of the individual, which of these foodstuff is likely to obtain the sperm that tastes the best? (I really wonder how they found this out)
(a) Alcohol
(b) Asparagus
(c) Bananas
(d) Anything with milk in it
(e) Chocolate
(f) Fruits

What is the thickness of an average condom?
(a) 0.7 mm
(b) 0.5 mm
(c) 1 mm
(d) 0.2 mm
(e) 0.6 mm

Which of these will drastically improve sex life?
(a) Quitting smoking
(b) Quitting alcohol
(c) Exercising
(d) Losing weight
(e) An apple a day

Why do people derive pleasure during intercourse with alternate body orifices? (I cannot think of a better way to put it)
(a) Show of intimacy
(b) Acts as foreplay
(c) Is sexually stimulating despite the fact that babies cannot be made
(d) Vestiges of fantasies (of early childhood according to Freudian logic)
(e) Selling the porn flick you are making

(Balan, you need to stop being stiff for this one, have a look at rotting tomatoes.) (Shit, might make you even more excited. Look at the ceiling fan) (Damn I give bad advice, I donno what will make you less hornier than you already are) (Ok look at yourself) anyway, here is the question, What is the length of the average male penis? (In a non-excited stage) (Balan, that’s why, follow my advice)
(a) 1 inch
(b) 1.5 inch
(c) 2 inches
(d) 2.5 inches
(e) 3 inches
(f) 3.5 inches
(g) 4 inches
(h) 4.5 inches
(i) 5 inches
(j) 21 inches (For Stupid Sydney Sheldon Lovers)

(Balan, same advice, only now, you can look at fans, jellyfish, mice, earphones and more importantly vacuum cleaners. Anything that turns you on, like almost anything does) what is the length of the average human male penis when erect?
(a) 4 inches
(b) 5 inches
(c) 6 inches
(d) 7 inches
(e) 21 inches (for stupid Sydney Sheldon lovers)

Why should an individual be more attracted to better endowed primary sexual characteristics? (Like why are big penises preferred to smaller ones, or big boobs to smaller ones)? (ever heard the song, baby got back, appeared on friends too, makes Emma laugh; ”I like big butts and I cannot lie.”) Question is, Why?
(a) More pleasurable
(b) Genetic affinity for such things
(c) Beneficial to childbearing and rearing
(d) Who says people prefer better endowed individuals only?

What is the distance traveled by an average sperm?
(a) 2 inches
(b) 3 inches
(c) 4 inches
(d) 5 inches

How does the fertilization takes place during the creation of twins

(a) The ovum is fertilized by two sperm cells
(b) The fertilized embryo splits into two
(c) Two ova get fertilized by two sperm cells
(d) Two ova get fertilized by one sperm cell that splits up

Strike today

I like Japan. People don’t disturb the country when they call a strike. Today is a strike in India. Bloody, everything is coming to a standstill. This is worse than a Shiv Sena strike. The entire left party is calling this strike, and basically, they are calling for banks, airports, schools, and even hospitals to be closed down. They are actually forcing the country to come to a standstill and nothing is allowed to function. The strike is basically called against privatization, but they are forcing everyone into it, and therefore there is no point. The government knows that since the left forced everyone into it, the entire country may not be against privatization. There may be remote villages where the strike has reached, but the message has not.
I don’t see the point. Fine, you managed to close down the country and say that you were against privatization, but “you” here is just the left, and not the entire country. If all the parties involved would have just said they were against privatization, and the reasons for this in the parliament, the country would not need to lose crores of money.
This is another issue. Many people are office goers at private organizations. They will all lose a day’s salary. If only they would strike by going to work, but by donating the money elsewhere, it would be so fruitful.
That’s why I like Japan, they protest by wearing ribbons, only one shoe, or going to work with their ties tied to their back. That reminds me, screw this post, I have to go study, and I also have thought of ten ways not to tie your tie.

Dreams I have

This other day I was reading a book on dream interpretations, and was not too happy with it. First of all, the dreams I had were not interpreted. In fact, I have the ability to interpret my own dreams, and I notice many times how a small thing I have noticed here and there creeps into my dreams. For example, there is this lion I saw on a wall in Baalbek while doing a project on that monument, and this lion crept into my dreams as a protrusion from the terrace of this really big building. The building was so big probably becaue I was studying huge monuments that day. Basically, I can relate everything that happens in my dreams to b\some real life incident or another.
Then again, there are those really weird dreams. There was one where I owned a cello tape factory. What the fuck was that about? I have no clue.
There is one particularly funny nightmare that I had long ago, and it still resurfaces in my dreams sometimes. Mt family and I were sleeping under this banyan tree in front f the entrance to Vasant Vihar. I live right opposite that place where the dream took place, but I used to live down the road in another building. It is surprising that I come to live next to the location though.
Anyway, so my family and I were sleeping below this banyan tree, and the night is full of skeletons roaming about. A particularly hideous skeleton falls off the tree we are sleeping under, and the skull is like five inches from my face, and is somehow screaming and intent on murdering me, and then I wake up. Now this is the kind of dream I want to interpret. I haven’t been ever able to relate to this, or how my subconscious brain though up of all these things.
Another nightmare I had was one where I was sleeping on the road – again… I need to know what is the meaning of this recurring pattern of sleeping on the road, and why I do that so often in my dreams. Anyway, so I was dreaming that I was sleeping on the road, and a truck comes barreling down towards me. I don’t get up and run away, but instead try to roll away from the wheels. I was in my grandmother’s place when this dream happened, and I bumped into the window. I had rolled over in real life trying to do so in dream life. Does this happen often? I have no clue.
Another recurring pattern in my dreams is that I frequently fly over cities. Another weird thing is that once I started enjoying this sensation, I force my dreams to make me fly. Like, I tell another face in the dream that it is my dream, and that if I want to fly, I can fly. I don’t know if this happens to many people, but I seem to be aware in my dreams that I am dreaming. This is really fun, because I can direct not only myself, but the situations around me. For example, I can force myself to fly over Jupiter, and after google earth came along, it has been really easy to force my mind into imagining flight. When I am not directing my own dreams, my dreams have the quality of playing out a story. I actually dream in stories, like there is a predicated plot. Someone behaves in a weird way that does not make sense until much later for example. I wonder if everyone dreams in stories.

Why did god invent pubic hair?

Nice question to ask. I think I know the answer. For some reason, the genetilia have to be cool. Look at those infrared camera views in the national geographic channel, and you will see that there are cool regions between the legs of all the lions. The balls have to be cooler than the rest of the body for optimum conditions of sperm generation. For maintaining the temperature in summer time, the pubic hair is used. There are also supplementary things like sweating, which causes inconvenient things like intertrigo. Although the balls do retract into the stomach partially during winter for a little warmth. Then, the pubic hair traps sufficient warmth. Clever thing, this pubic hair is.

6 percent unavoidable extrapolation

Spent the day sleeping and reading Artemis Fowl when I was supposed to study. Pretty cool book, liked the story. Nice thing to notice though was the theory that the fairies had descended from the dinosaurs, good parallels with Isaac Asimov’s short story about the elves and the fiction writer, and Michael Moorcock’s nomad of the time streams, where, again, the reptilian race, from which the Egyptian writing evolved (as in Artemis Fowl) is said to come from the dinosaurs.
Maybe these are the same reptiles that made David Ike famous. Have to read his book again, stopped around the time the bilderbergs started to appear.
Cool book.

E-mails I receive.

My first ever e-mail account was something on rediffmail. I had as much as three, I think one of them was geonosis@refdiffmail.com . I also had two hotmail accounts, sehwag_ki_maa@hotmail.com, infrancus@hotmail.com, which I think is at least partially functioning (when I say partially, I mean that I can chat using it) (Although I have given up chatting long ago). There was also gunkglumb@hotmail.com, and unkglumb@indiatimes.com. Both are more or less defunct, and I only use gunkglumb when I want to use the services of msn or indiatimes. Now crumblingkibbles@yahoo.com is my primary yahoo! Id although I still have talosyrinx@yahoo.com, underscore_underscored@yahoo.com, extra_baggage@yahoo.com and surfacetear@yahoo.com. Most of these are still functioning. I have aditya.madanapalle@gmail.com, which I use only for special purposes – like presidents of nations. My primary address is anorion@gmail.com, and the usage statistics come from this one.

Currently, I am using 8% of my gmail account, which is a lot if you consider the fact that my mailbox currently supports 2650 megs. So I have around 200 mb of what is mostly text.
Ignoring mails that are not spam, which would be the bulk of all the mails that I receive;
I have 2290 mails in my inbox. That’s ten short of three grand, and it would be cool if I wrote about it when I did reach that somewhat odd landmark, but what the hell.
The first mail I received was on the twenty second of November, last year. So I have been using this account for exactly a year or so. Cool…
I have sent 431 mails, or should I say, I have initiated 431 conversations.
The largest conversation had 21 odd mails. I think.
And, get this: ONLY 167 forwards. Now THAT must be a record. A year and 167 forwards.
Hey how about this, a book consisting of all the mails I received in one year. Nice concept. Should write this down as one of my book ideas.

2 days to go for exams.

2 days to go before the exams, and I am blogging using word. Stupidest thing I have ever done, will regret this after the exams as always, but what the hell, there is always the safety margin of the KTs.
Why the fuck hasn’t MS word yet learnt the spelling of a bloody blog?
Anyway, I thought of studying history, knew some of it, know that I can study the rest, eco was, as always, unthinkable of, so I spent the day reading Intially, Q&A by Vikas Swarup really innovative idea, of explaining how a guy from the slums knew the answers to the questions from a quiz show, but when he tries to ix fact with fiction, he does in in a fashion that can be referred to with anything but something analogous to elegant. Get what I mean? He goofs up, big time, bad diction, sloppy writing et cetera. Amazing concept wasted, makes reading the book a difficult thing to do. You feel queasy about the style and language used. You will not stick to the book for long, unless you want it to be said that you have read the book.
I turned to Artemis fowl, something I purchased for something like seventy bucks, only two chapters into the book.
Although, this book, at least, should get the award for the most artistic use of the word “motherfucker.” Even your naani will not blush by the way and context in which it is used in this book.
Then again, I may be hardened, and this may only be with reference to other books. Cannot believe doubleday found this worthy of publication though. Maybe I should approach them. Have to start writing. That’s it, this vacation, I am writing a book.

1 day for exams

Actually, exams are today. It’s so late into today that it is tomorrow, that is why the exams which would normally be considered to be tomorrow are today. ECS tomorrow/today. Not studied a bit, instead read Q&A. Pretty juvenile, vague and incoherent book, but the most fucking amazing concept I have come across for quite some time now.
Spend the whole day reading the book, listening to music, playing skyroads.

Getting a bunch of atkts this sem at least.

Phases in the blogosphere

Atleast the local blogosphere undergoes phases, I can see this because there is a lull in the blogging activity. I also noticed a two to five day cylce in the ferocity of comments some time back. Most of the blogs I have blogrolled have been dormant for the perios I have been dormant. Most of the comments I recieve are from people who either comment all together or not at all. Cool eh?

My blogging activity is going to pick up because I am going to blog like hell everything I have saved in word right now.

Best days of my life

Although I almost saw an elephant, almost died after almost getting hit by a vehicle that can almost be called a car (not explaining that any further) and almost got ditched by a guy (that either) right now, I feel like I am living the best days of my life.

Turns out that I was not a violent asshole while I was drunk. I emerged with more friends, and existing friends friendlier than ever when i got drunk. I guess one must just tell all the truth, just reveal who you really are, and I did just that, and as things turn out, EVERONE WAS SAYING I WAS SWEET OR COOL OR LOVABLE. Cool eh?

Have a lot to blog, will blog pictures and stuff, but right now, this is the moment, where I know I am loved, cared about, have no worries about my future because it is looking great, and best of all, have the best bunch of friends and family ever. Although it seems that I cheated my parents when it came to the drinking, I am not feeling really guilty about it.

Damn, I am just a bit now. I have vowed never to drink so much again, because I remember the hangover and the hallucinations, and even asking a girl if she had urinated after I had gone to the toilet!


Damn again...

Anyway, will get down to the blogging bit now

Monday, October 10, 2005

First Hallucinations

Long time no see. Anyway, am back, but I have the worst hangover I have ever had, and probably the worst any man has ever had. The exams ended, and there was a huge end-of-exams or lets-just-celebrate-youth party yesterday. Actually so early today morning that it can be called yesterday. Hehe that's funny, in fact, its so late today tat its almost tommorrow...
Anyway, so I had vodka almost neat, and I screwed up big time. Although many more people were drunk, those who were sober had all the fun. I kept falling all over the place, and I refused to go to sleep. I was so drunk that I talked about invented sex lives with teachers, called people by different names, and even had my first cigerette. Had as in I took it and put the whole damn thing in my fucking mouth. I locked myself up in the bathroom, and someone said that I even drank from it. I got out only when someone said she loved me. I was fiddling with everyone's hair, and lecturing everyone on different things, and giving advice on relationships. Someone kept slapping me to bring me to my senses, and I couldn't feel it, and I started slapping myself. If I were any less drunk, I would remember clearly two people kissing each other... no big deal, only they were of the same sex.
It was one hell of a party, and everytime someone used to put me to sleep, I used to get back up. I did not vomit though. Although one guy vomitted on the stove thinking it was a sink, same guy vomitted in the bathroom and on the bedsheet.
I got up the next morning to find that someone had put toothpaste over everyone. hair was screwed big time.

Just recieved a call from two friends. One was from soome fellow telling that he liked me for what happened yesterday because I told a lot of sweet things about him, asking me not to get embaressed about it as it was very funny. Another was from another friend who I had called a bitch yesterday, so she was scolding me for having no control over myself, and that it was very funny. Damn.

Still have a hangover.

Anyway, after that, I got to sleep, wake up, and find that I am still bloody drunk. I started naming people's toes, and I remember that I was shaking all over. Damn.
I called my mom, she suspected something was wrong but the conversation was short. I then had lemon, which made you feel better instantly, but the thing is I had the whole lemon in my mouth and was biting it like hell. I vomitted in a proper comode. I went home expecting to crash out, but my father was there. Had to pretend I wasn;t drunk, which would make you do stupid things like telling your father "i am not drunk" even if you were drunk. I ate and slept, and then the hallucinations began.

They were the first time I ever had hallucinations. Damned good hallucinations are. cool thing is that everyone are shadows and shades, like the witchkings in lord of the rings. Then, they react with real world objects around you. You are sleeping, and everything is happening in the room around you. You do not move about as in a dream. hallucinations are cool as you can really sense and feel people giving you support, telling you jokes and hugging you. I felt that I was sleeping on someone's lap, and a room full of close friends were talking in soft voices about different things, and another friend was massaging my back.
Nice feelings, hallucinations.

Went back to sleep, got up, was still a little drunk, went to meet friends, and spoke to them in only a slightly weird way. I was high, but I was coming down. Am more or less compeletely down now, but have the mother of all headaches. I think I will just go to sleep now, and hope that I am compeletely cool when I wake up. My father might read this blog sometime, he does every now and then, I am just going to post like four hundred posts now to hide this. I have been writing through my exams, and will start posting tommorrow evening or so.
Till then, cheers.

The screenplay is better than the movie

Fandoms are perpetually locked in discussing exactly how the movies were better than the books or vice versa. The question is what happens w...