Wednesday, December 28, 2011

DITTORCARBONXCOPX

U R 2 yea₨ l8 2 d pRT. 2 d def pRT. U mieght b i㎜ortal & aᄔ, bt dun git tᅇ kicked. dey essentiaᄔy cut off a㏄es 2 heavN n 2007. U nEd a Œrtificate 2 git n there, & itz not EzalE forged. git Usd 2 d fact ㍲t ther R multipᇉs of U. U arent aloN. ther R DITTORCARBONXCOPX of U

dittocarbonxcopyx

you are two years late to the party. to the death party. you mieght be immortal and all, but dont get too kicked. they essentially cut off access to heaven in 2007. you need a certificate to get in there, and its not easily forged. get used to the fact that there are multiples of you. you arent alone. there are DITTORCARBONXCOPX of U

omg found this in drafts donn wven

Its considered one of the moat impracticable weaponz in the world. Immean a Bayonet. In the tiem of crosswinders and heat seeking missiles, a rifle with a knife attached to the muzzle is not only fucking stupad, not to mansion anachronistic, but also utterly fails at being a combat knife or a gun. Its a just-about-not exactly-short-range weapon. A failure on all fronts but one. A signal, real word that will blast u. siachen.
the bayonets were instrumental in its conquest. Yor knife began with a gun. It was the best short range weapon evar. Whrn yjoo no choice , we dlashed.
The nets might be spread wide, but we bit our tounges and wait,. we tolerate pests.
THe IA farking pwns siachen, and the bayonet is rthte reason.

Monday, November 07, 2011

Wack

oki so here goes
1. Anonymous decides to create a wikipedia like project pooling documents by professionals across countries to really share information about things like police cases, rti enquiries, army doctrines, political party memos etc

2. Site goes up. It is called wikileaks. In a matter of 8 months thousands of documents are uploaded on the site. This is a sample set of documents for just one case, the scarlet murder in goa
-The interview transcripts of all the journalists of all the relatives and friends of the diseased as well as police officials
-the autopsy report
-photos from the autopsy table
-internal police documents about case filing and investigation progress

This level of detail of documents was achieved for thousands of cases worldwide

3. Intense attacks begin on the site, this include denial of service attacks and domain takeovers. There are few groups that can launch such attacks, Anonymous or the various cyber business networks would not attack their own

4. Wikileaks is struggling for funds because of the size of the documents. Also because of the attacks, the documents are constantly shifted across servers. There are up to 200 different servers holding the documents at any given time, with links constantly being changed and updated. This was a counter attack by the original hosting group.

5. Suddenly, Wikileaks gets funding. The servers stabilise again. A new management emerges, and the wikileaks group seperates itself from Anonymous.

6. US army helicopter killing journalist surfaces. All content on the website is replaced with leaked fucking cables. Note that every single thing on wikileaks atm is entirely from one source. What kind of a freak wiki has just one source?

7. You know the rest

Conclusion: That Julian fellow is like from the NSA or something, just an agent, getting paid good money for going through all this in public. US gets a known devil, which is good for a long term PR campaign, much better than an unknown devil, fighting the terrorists was getting a little boring. US needs devils to sell shit. Or at least launder shit in the name of defence. Meanwhile, the real information gets suppressed

Not for long brothers and sisters

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

catching up


good day to you crawlers of the internet hope it drops something nice for you. dark room, bright screen, feeling around for a pair of headphones... not worrying about how the bass is or whether or not theyr in ears as long as the cord is untangled... k found one default iphne ones now plugging em in.. ok main screen of iphone forgot what was on there... uh game center and gamechannel lol those were from my angry birds tiny tower star dunk charadium days... dont use those anymore lol, where was I? oh and dont drop the soap... was on the leaderboards prolly of two of these, top spot in dont drop the soap btw, fulliautomatox, prolly still up there somewhere... and umm... camera, ok \i use that occasionally... and photos, that too... apps that has umm bunchf of stuff and ipod and utilities with bunch of stuff and notes, yeah I use that, noted down prices of the latest drops from stores, but wth, not anymore... and stanza, wow i used to read ebooks gonna see what kind of stuff i have in there.... ok so I was 16% into The Time Mirror by Clark South. Wow I had a lot of time lol. The black star Passes, the Coming race, Droozle, Sigurd, Time mirror, well at worlds end. Hmm. Droozle is good. And quick. Five minute job. read that one. The coming race is slow tedious and dated but amazing if you are out of your mind and willing to believe. Wanna read well at worlds end, some time in the future, maybe when we are all farming galaxies. Hey one can dream right? they say the first immortals are already born. OK home. Whats next? hmm Speed test. Yeah that was from back when I used to warwalk. Quite a few police chowkies with unprotected wifi, you can just get in and browse. Hmm and Safari, the rest of the screen is blank. Sliding finger. Woo, this is where all the good stuff izzz..

Orbital, Groove coaster, Dark Nebula 2, Warzone Anomaly, Protoxide, Fractal Combat, Need For Speed Underground, World of Goo, VS Zero, Minigore, Star LEgends, Plants Vs Zombies, ASP, UMk3, CK Zombies

ok all of these are excellent, above par games, some of the best pieces of digital craftsmanship the world has ever seen. Except the last one, that one sucks, that one I just downloaded because of an offer. I dont bother with any of these games anymore. In fact, i havent even taken the trouble of deleting CK zombies. I used to obsessed with how each pane looked, not anymore, idc, becozzzzzz im gonna fire up the hottest fucking bitch of an app, the planet can burn itself in hell, if this was the matrix, then I would do what cypher did, sell out everything I have irl to get in.
Star LEgends


currently playing as ponyslayer level 35 half purp half plat gear (the set benefit for the custom purps can go fist itself in the ass), mildly hybrid build, uh i have to jump in a map to help a dude, hold on.... uh he left, its just the boss and me in the dunjon now lol, its ok I can get him... Done. capped it. Got to go into uh... 800AAAWhatvr and get it... there done:

had to rotate it as well

anyway, where was I? yeah level 35, bandit's blade fins is my weap, and I got 158 dps... think about that 158 damage per second... now im gonna party, and you guys can carry on

Monday, May 23, 2011

Which distro to use?

mint looks better than ubuntu with gnome but the latest mint version is often behind the latest ubuntu version
Mint or ubuntu is best for beginners, I would still reco mint because it has a sense of humor, and lots of stuff for geeks, the command line for example is very user friendly
the more serious enthusiasts use gentoo or arch or some other use specific distros
apart from ubuntu, fedora is most popular because it has a lot of red hat blood, good for servers and the like
suse was a good alternative to red hat at one point of time, but it has become obsolete
there are some other distros like slackware, or backtrack for more specific purposes
some people even use BSD,
a lot keep distro hopping, installing a new one every now and then
there is a lot of other choice actually, I use sabayon
the really 1337 use http://hannahmontana.sourceforge.net/

Monday, April 11, 2011

I killed a unicorn and I liked it.

Suppose you saw an angel, and you foregathered that it was made of, say circuit boards, or some obscene mixture of exotic particles, or an elaborate clockwork machine, would you consider it as an assault on the sacred status of the being? Would you regard it as just another imperfection to exploit for your own use?

It matters not. I liekd a unicorn, loved it evan (how can anyone not love a unicorn?) and I killed it. In cold blood. Purposely if you will. Maybe I can explain why I did that, maybe you will even understand why. You may have seen many unicorns in your tiem, but this one wuz different. The hair had cells that glowed and could change colours, liek the chamaeleon hippocampus. The mane and the tail cycled through the hues of the rainbow when it ran. Every time the unicorn jumped, it would get so happy that it would celebrate by pooping a rainbow from that magical area below its tail. It wuz pretty fun to keep making the unicorn jump just to see it poop the rainbow, but unfortunately, it could jump just once in mid-air. It wuz not a Pegasus you know. Apart from jumping, the only thing the unicorn evar did, because it was so perfect, was to go full retard and dash. A dashing unicorn is a sight to behold. Its at the head of a bright, clear rainbow, as if leaking in from another universe where light is moar radiant. The unicorn would turn pure white, appearing as a negative shadow at the head of a jet of rainbow. Yes, in unicornland, rainbows begin, and rainbows begin where the unicorn is dashing.

Now who would have the heart to kill such a beautiful creature? Well, keeping a unicorn alive in unicornland is not really that easy. The landscape is made of shades of pink, purple and fushcia that not evan the editor of Vogue can name. But all of this is a decoy, because there are frequent pitfalls. You let your unicorn fall into one of them, and it fucking breaks its neck. Into two. Im not evan kidding. The unicorn are pretty fragile creatures, and one fall is liable to shatter it liek china. This is becuz most of the land floats as little bits in the sky, and also because unicorns are held together by really weak matter. The sky itself is a brilliant shade of blue with almost fluffy blobs of violet clouds from which waterfalls spout all the way to the ground far below. In unicornland, you are just on some level, and there are many, many bits of land both above and below you no matter where you are. They say there might be no surface in unicornland at all, but a bottomless pit, where unnamed bone/china/circuit breaking horrors lie, that no one has seen.

It’s a strange place, unicornland, and there are forms of life in it that are utterly alien to the human psyche. Take the fairies for example, they live all over unicornland. Every floating bit of land has one fairy on it, guarding it from imaginary enemies. The fairies seem to derive some magic out of the land, they just bob about, floating upwards and downwards all day but remaining in the same average position. They are transient beings indeed, and act as a hive. They say that all fairies is the same single entity manifesting itself in different places and at different times. They are the food of the unicorns, but even the prey-predator behavior is strange in unicornland. Please, do not consider unicorns to be one of those measly meat eaters. A unicorn may not be a herbivore, but it has no instincts to attack, kill or maim. The fairies also, have no instincts to flee, they stand their ground as a unicorn rushes towards them and gobbles them up. A little while after a unicorn has passed, in the same space where the fairy used to be, a new one appears, fading in from the thin air. Apart from the fairies, and unicorns, the only other creature in unicornland are stars. No not those stars that hang out in outer space and have spectacular tidal disruption events evary now and then. Thoese are gobs of exotic matter, that are hardly stars. The stars in unicornland fall from the sky, and don’t even make a crater in the ground. There is no intertia here, no gravity, no dust evan. The stars land perfectly, as if they were dragged and dropped into place. Each star is a perfectly formed diamond, five pointed, with pretty round corners, a nice ridge running through the middle of all the arms, as a jewel, with facets in sharp relief and in dark silver. A unicorn can destroy a star, but if, and only if a human makes it dash through one. When a unicorn and a star come across each other, either the unicorn can dash through it, destroying it, or jump over it, and let it be. Now maybe I will later present an argument on why stars should be left alone for no reason other than they exist, but this is about the unicorn, and keeping it alive in this land of stars and fairies. I wuz a mere human, I had the power to make a unicorn dash, and I would make it dash through all the stars. It was only after a bit of introspection that I realized that in an alien world, there will be alien rules, and that I am probably doing a very bad thing by destroying all those stars without thinking about the consequences. I took a path of peace, of non-violence, of always making the unicorn jump over the stars instead of dashing through them. Maybe I would get an award for it. I didnt.

You remember the jumping? Well despite all the joy that the unicorn takes in jumping, its dumb as a... for lack of a more apt comparison... hippocampus. You need to keep prodding the god damn thing to jump and not fall to its death, or run into a star and not dash. At this rate it would seem easy to just let damn thing die.

Whenever men meddle with otherworldly things, they have always come back wishing they had never tried it out. How many summoners have stood before flaming sigils trembling at their demons and wishing they hadn’t summond their own worst fears? How many mathematicians have stared bleary eyed at their deductions, and realized that they had proved an absolute, evan heretical falsehood? How many flying saucers with abducted people on their operation tables have tractor beamed the nekkid bacteria seething things right back to the pyramid complex? Well, that is not the case with unicorns. You just fall in love with them. No man, however badass he thinks himself to be, can go to unicornland and not lose himself utterly. Chuck Norris, for example, would not have the heart to round house kick a unicorn. Rajnikanth would prolly be first in line to ride one. And even Samuel L Jackson’s “imma motherfucka” face would break into a smile, perhaps even a private, shy one. Kratos would topple a hundred pantheons just to protect a unicorn. Even Putin would resist shooting it down and instead opt for merely tranquilizing it and a press op. You or me, we would have little choice in the matter.

You see, the simple truth is that there are a rare few entities that justify their existence by doing nothing more than existing. Unicorns belong to this very select category. And for a while, I fell in love with the stars as well. This is what led to the incident where I ended up killing my unicorn. It was a spectacular kill, mid air and all, pooping the brightest fucking rainbow you haz nevar seen, two jumps already down and a star came up. And I thought wut the hell. There are no rules in unicornland amirite? Big shit if I kill this thing once. Lets just stand up for the star now. It broke its neck, poor thing. The unicorn, not the star. The head went flying, and arced through the low-gravity sky, in absolute defiance of evary physics. It came down smoothly, and I saw the most horrible sight in my life. While alive, a unicorn is whole ,you would not evan suspect what is beneath its skin. Remember wut I said about the stuff that made up an angel at the start? Well, yeah I could see wires and ducts and bits of sparkling electricity from the broken head. It mattered not if the unicorn was a robot, or prolly a cyborg. What mattered was that those beautiful, white crystal eyes were crying, crying real tears, tears of some ethereal blue substance that radiated sadness, crying because the unicorn was dead, and it was my fault. A beheaded one horned horse head shedding tears is not a great sight. The mane had frozen, a steady rainbow pattern no longer cycling through the colours. I dont wish anyone would see it. It was a torrent of blue teardrops, falling in steady rhythm, like grains of sand in an infinite hourglass.

The sight of the severed head of a unicorn shedding tears hardened my guts. Ok I will gives you protip. Fuck stars. Stars are evil. Given two equally powerful, gods, it would be wise to choose one, and fuckign haet the other. I chose the path of violence. Not exactly violence, but I didn’t care if I killed the odd star just so that my unicorn would live to poop another rainbow. And did I evan tell you? Unicorns have three lives, that one kill was to-tally worth it.

The rules of future cinema

Rule 1: Aniticpation is boring. Move on. Move quickly. We dont liek mysteries. Give uz the action. In every frame if possible, and in HD.
Rule 2: We dont care if you make sense or not. Please try not to make sense, if possible. If you do make sense, at least dont expect us to care.
Rule 3: Intensity puts us off. If you do need to get intense, save it all up for the climax, and dont drag it. Refer to Rule 1.
Rule 4: We liek moar of the same thing. Over and over again. A joke nevar gets old. Really. However, Refer to Rule 5.
Rule 5: Throw away your bag of tricks, gimmicks and flashy stuff. we haet all of that. Keep it original. If you have no original content, STFU.
Rule 6: Get an indie experimental electronica band to compose the soundtrack. Use a lot of artificial and/or synthesized aural simulation as cues and hints for the narrative, as against natural sounds.
Rule 7: Keep the framing loose, jerky and constantly moving. If you have a steady frame, or anything that Kubrick would frame, we are going to go to sleep. Immideately.
Rule 8: Snap it short on the timelien. We want short, crisp cuts. Quick and dirty scenes. Refer to Rule 1.
Rule 9: We are all goldfish in human form. We tend to be very forgetful. Keep it simple. Stupid.

Tuesday, April 05, 2011

Same thing

This guy was a crazy lunatic. He was drunk for sure, and high on things that were probably from a parallel universe. No one knows for sure. They say it was for a bet, they say he got so happy that he was done with life, they say he was just a crazy lunatic. He just jumped from the terrace during a party, and that was that.
So a guy at the party looking on had whipped out his phone just to record this guy. He plays back the video of the jump, frame by frame and stops at one where the guy's feet have just escaped the building, and no time left for second thoughts. He thinks about how the guy took that decision and just went for it. He cant help admiring the fact that that dude just let it all go in the spur of the moment. He captioned it "Alpha as fuck" and posted it on a message board.
Theres this guy just getting to the party that night, and he was below the building. He looks up to see a well lit terrace and crazy lights all over the place. So he whips out his camera for a shot, and before he knows it theres a commotion and some guy jumps out of the terrace and into his field of view. He clicks as a reflex action, because of how excited he is. Then he scampers the fuck out of the way. He sees the body. Thinks about what a waste of life it is and how BAWWWW he must have been to just let his life go. He captions the photo "beta as fuck" and posts it on a message board.
Tro story, bro.

PS moral of the story: things look better when seen from above as against being seen from below

#Afridi

1. Indian people who think Afridi dissed India hate Afridi
2. Indian people who think Afridi defended India in Pakistan love Afridi
3. Indian muslims who think Afridi stood up for them in India love Afridi
4. Indian muslims who think Afridi insulted Indian muslims by saying that Hindus can never relate or whatever hate Afridi
5. Hindus who dont liek Muslims, and haet Afridi and Pakistan for no reason
6. Cricket fanboys who hate Pakistan as a team and see them as a rival, who hate Afridi
7. IPL fanboys who want Afridi to be a part of the Indian cricket extravaganza, love Afridi
8. Cricket afficianados who admire Afridi as a player and liek his eccentricity and his BOOM BOOM love Afridi
9. People in Pakistan who hate India, and who think Afridi supported India, hate Afridi
10. People in Pakistan who like India (lolwtf?) or just think its unhealthy to feed hate in tweets and who think Afridi supported India, Like Afridi
11. People in India who think Afridi dissed India and still love Afridi
12. People in Indian media who think Afridi dissed the Indian media and hate Afridi
13. People in Kashmir who want to show on twitter their undyling love for Afridi as a political gesture
14. People from India and Pakistan who don't liek Afridi because he appears to be such a two-faced hippocritical bitch
15. People who just love Afridi before any of this happened
16. People who just hate Afridi before any of this happened

but wait, there is even fukken more

17. Tweeple in Pakistan who liek Afridi and have gotten all excited because he is trending
18. Tweeple in India who just want to use the hashtag to boost their reads and follows

fuck I can go on and on I think I got the important sides tho

PS one moar
19. People who hate Afridi because their favorite Celebs on Twitter dissed Afridi

Thursday, March 10, 2011

HATERS GONNA HATE - ===NOW ENTIRELY ALL IN SUPAR CAPS LOCK===

IMMA ROCKER
SON OF A BITCH TRANCE
DO YOU WANT HIPPES?
DO YOU WANT REPETATIVE EAR RAEP NOIS?
TRANCE IS PIG DISGUSTING
HOUSE IS A MURDERER
FUCKING ELECTRO

IMMA MAHARASHTRIAN
SON OF A BITCH BIHARI
DO YOU WANT BHEL PURI?
DO YOU WANT AIDS?
BIHARI IS PIG DISGUSTING
MANTU SHARMA IS A MURDERER
FUCKING BIHARI

IMMA FOOTBALL
SON OF A BITCH CRICKET
DO YOU WANT MATCH FIXING?
DO YOU WANT 200+ FORMATS?
CRICKET IS PIG DISGUSTING
UMPIRE IS A MURDERER
FUCKING CRICKET

IMMA NH12
SON OF A BITCH NH3
DO YOU WANT DUST POLLUTION?
DO YOU WANT RUMBLERS?
MHO4 IS PIG DISGUSTING
INACCURATE ROAD SIGNS IS A MURDERER
FUCKING NH3

IMMA METALHEAD
SON OF A BITCH ROCKER
DO YOU WANT HEADBANGING?
DO YOU WANT MOSH?
ROCK IS PIG DISGUSTING
ROCK IS A MURDERD
FUCKING ROCK

IMMA ANGRY BIRD
SON OF A BITCH PIG
DO YOU WANT SLINGSHOT?
DO YOU WANT SWINE FLU?
PIG IS PIG DISGUSTING
YELLOW BIRD IS A MURDERER
FUCKING PIG

IMMA KANNADIGA
SON OF A BITCH TAMIL
DO YOU WANT A RASAM?
DO YOU WANT A APPALAM?
TAMIL IS PIG DISGUSTING
VEERAPPAN IS A MURDERER
FUCKING TAMIL

IMMA LEGOLAS
SON OF A BITCH GIMLI
DO YOU WANT BEARD BRAID?
DO YOU WANT DWARF TOSSING?
GIMLI IS PIG DISGUSTING
GLOIN IS A MURDERER
FUCKING GIMLI

IMMA COCAINE
SON OF A BITCH CHARLIE SHEEN
DO YOU WANT INTERN?
DO YOU WANT CULT?
CHARLIE SHEEN IS PIG DISGUSTING
BOB IS A MURDERER
FUCKING CHARLIE SHEEN

IMMA SCIENCE FICTION
SON OF A BITCH FANTASY
DO YOU WANT LASER SWORDS?
DO YOU WANT TEEN SUPERNATURAL ROMANCE?
FANTASY IS PIG DISGUSTING
FANTASY IS A MURDERER
FUCKING FANTASY

IMMA BHANGRAHEAD
SON OF A BITCH EVERYONE
DO YOU WANT AKH DA ISHARA?
DO YOU WANT TIKKA?
EVERYONE IS PIG DISGUSTING
BALLE BALLE
FUCK EVERYONE

IMMA PIRATE
SON OF A BITCH NINJA
DO YOU WANT A SHURIKEN?
DO YOU WANT A KUSARIGAMA?
NINJA IS PIG DISGUSTING
KUMAWAKAMARU IS A MURDERER
FUCKING NINJA

IMMA PLANT
SON OF A BITCH ZOMBIE
DO YOU WANT A FALLEN LIMB?
DO YOU WANT A BRAIN?
ZOMBIE IS PIG DISGUSTING
PEA SHOOTER IS A MURDERER
FUCKING ZOMBIE

IMMA NINJA
SON OF A BITCH PIRATE
DO YOU WANT BOUNTY?
DO YOU WANT GROG?
PIRATE IS PIG DISGUSTING
BLACKBEARD IS A MUDERER
FUCKING PIRATE

IMMA CIRCLE
SON OF A BITCH SQUARE
DO YOU WANT A CORNER?
DO YOU WANT A LINE?
SQUARE IS PIG DISGUSTING
TIANANMEN IS A MURDERER
FUCKING SQUARE

Friday, February 25, 2011

Expired in Transit

HAve you seen the ping worms? they can be really looong and some say there are only five of them and some say there is only one.

Destination host unreachable.
Destination host unreachable.
Destination host unreachable.
Destination host unreachable.
Destination host unreachable.
Destination host unreachable.
Destination host unreachable.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Hardware error.
Hardware error.
Hardware error.
Hardware error.
Destination host unreachable.
Destination host unreachable.
Destination host unreachable.
Destination host unreachable.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Unexpected packet.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
General failure.
Destination host unreachable.
Destination host unreachable.
Destination host unreachable.
Destination host unreachable.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Unknown Host.
Unknown Host.
Unknown Host.
General failure.
Destination host unreachable.
Destination host unreachable.
Destination host unreachable.
Destination host unreachable.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Cake.

PS: dont evan think about clicking hare youll be tagged by laser sattelites and theyll send the drones to haunt uou srsly the only thing to save you is aluminum foil. not tin foil ok? thats for the loser hacks.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

towel < newspaper

Its impolite to argue with a dead man, but sorry Adams the towerl sucks as an intergalaxtic companion for the wanderer. Whether ur in the deeps of space, in the mountainz or in jungal, a newspaper is handier than a towel. Sure you can suck specail vitamins from the endds of towerls and it does not get destroyed when it gets wet, but at least you dont have to deal with the god damn lint.

First of all there is the cost factor a newspaper is practically free when compared to the cost of getting a towel. You can prolly get 50 newspapers for the cost of a towel. Also a newspaper has a bunchh of sheets, which make it a lot moar versatile. You can use it liek tissue paper. If your actually out in the wild, its pretty good to sit on, eat on, start fires with and even as bedding material.
You can make a hat with it evan if it gets sunny. In fact a variety of hats. Hmm, you can also tear it up into perfect squares and try out origami, if you accept the paper quality as a challenge? Paper rockets. Yes? No? Theres literally hours of time you can spend doing different things with a newspaper. The crosswored, usually there are two of em along with those dokus. You can even read the news. Then read the news slowly, or find stuff in the news or make a list of errors and inconsistencies or try to fins codes and hidden meanings. Aslo, you can liek use it to clean weed, wrap drugs, turn it into a roll and whack people with, crumple it into balls and launch missiles.
You still wanna towelr? Fuck towerls.

Thursday, February 03, 2011

yeeeeah this happen long time ago ok?

Ok Picture the scene. This is the middle of the night, somewhere between two and three in the morning. It was a long empty road deep in the middle of rural Maharashtra. We were two guiz in a car, me and a sonorous friend (moar on that later). Owls, bats, ghosts and other creatures of the night must have stayed safe in their homes that particular night because of the lightning. It was so common that it was liek a cosmic strobe light that turned night into day every now and then. It was a massive storm without rain but frequent flashes of brilliant lightning. The thunder was really far away and was little moar than a low rumbling way down the spectrum. All of this is moastly unrelated but unfortunately real background to the story.
The story was that we had had a long day driving for 800 kilometers in less than 36 hours, and it was only my friend on the wheel, so it is a little understandable that he parked the car at a petrol pump, switched off the engine and went into a sound sleep. With little better to do, my pmps battery drained a long tiem ago, I smoked a cigarette, and went off to sleep. At least, I tried. The lightning wasnt exactly very conducive to the sleep.
In a bit, he started snoring. At first it was a low sound, almost covered up by the distant thunder. At first I wasnt disturbed. I got used to the rhythm of it, and dozed off. Suddenly there was a loud snort. Then the rhythm changed completely, became a little faster. There was also a sound that went something like "grnn hMMpff" and then the rhythm changed again. As fascinating as all of this is, it wasnt really easy to drift off to sleep. Also, it was definitely getting louder.
I really wanted to sleep. I was sleepy. I couldn't sleep because of the snoring. This might seem repetitive, but is necessary to understand my actions that followed. I hit upon the brilliant idea of using cigarette butts as earbuds. Yeah im just getting warmed up here, so I wont even describe how that failed. They were not noise isolating, but they are very difficult to get out once you get em in. Dont try it evar. One important lesson I learnt about acoustics is that you need to have something conforming to the innards of your ear to really block out the sound. I hoped my pinkies were up for the challenge. I stuffed em in as far as they could go. Boom. No sound at all. That was good. Very good. Now, to go to sleep.
Yeah the problem is its pretty difficult to go to sleep with your fingers jammed into your ears. After a bit, the fingers start sliding out, and ears start paining, and wedging your hands against the door and the seat wont help in maintaining the position. I didnt know if that was what that triggered the headache, but I decided that the time was ripe for a fresh approach.
Right now, Im sorry to say I was fucking angry. I gave my friend a big ass elbow in the stomach and he promptly stopped. Only to start again some tiem later. There is an age old technique of breathing in and breathing out to calm yourself down. Well, snoring is basically hearing someone else failing utterly at breathing, so its pretty difficult to maintain your own timing and pace when someone else is off-kilter. Then I thought that it was about tiem I approached the situation liek a Boss.
There was one strategy which has nevar failed me in my life. Be calm and smoke two joints. You know how it is, after smoking a joint ur liek all gone and one with the universe and in a really loving mood. Well that shit just made me paranoid and imagine that I deserve the torture as part of some bad karmic hangover. Eventually I calmed down enough to try my hand at induced lucid dreaming, that is trying to go into a deep dream like state. Easy to do for most people when your sleepy and have smoked two joints, but not with this guy snoring next to you man.
Ok concentrating on the background noises, looking at the cars and the rain, just to drive out the snoring sound. Almost everything I saw, every reflected carlight that crossed the windshield, every insect in the sky that caught the moonlight, was a shooting star, and the only thing I wished for every tiem was for the snoring to stop. In a bit the cars and trucks began to look like airplanes it was a woozy state but I was still irritated by the snoring when I tried the most infallible strategy ever.
Lie fucking still no matter what happens. Yeah I was making really heavy progress in the lie fucking still department, but not so much in the go to sleep department. In fact, not evan a little bit. I realised the importance of having a notebook and pen at all times, I wuz reduced to taking down notes on my mobile phone, which had a dying battery. There were some other deep insights into lief imma sure, but all I wuz doing was somehow keeping myself occupied because I realized that a) this motherfuckers not gonna stop snoring and b) imma not gonna find ana sleep. There is apparently a technique out there for going to sleep that is so cool that everyone in the world uses it and there are television channels to help you along as well. Counting sheep. Yeah I must have gotten bored at around six man, I donno if anyone haz gone any further, but srsly, good for you.
Thens I thinks whats if its not the snoring because of which I cants sleep, but something else entirely. Mebbe its the lightning. The chai tapri nearby opens up, so I head there for a tea and a smoke. THen have another two. I talk to some trucker who advices me to stop at a brothel a little ahead of Vada for a good fuck. He tells me liek its the most obvious thing in the world for anyone to do, and its stupid of me to not do it if im going down that road. I head back to the car to listen to some comfortable snoring. I backtracked a bit and pulled the whole "be calm and smoke two jointsd" stunt.
Eventually the sun rose, the lightning stopped, the birds started chirping and when I woke up we were on the highway.

Friday, January 28, 2011

thegodofmus.ic

no one has evar made me note down shit before. ok thats a lie, prolly a teacharm but not liek this. oh you liek charachter sketchez? no? mebbe you havent really thought about it. ok how about this guy. hes liek real and shit. hes the god of music though. kid you not. you can literally hear echoes from tunes decades ago, and the radio playus in your brain when your around him. yeah, but unfortunately, you havent had the good fortune of meeting huim, so imma left with the stopid job of describing him to you. hes a bit on the stout side, really serious expression on him all the tiem liek hes responsible for soemthing but hes chilling liek a motherfucker most of the tiem. ok. now he lives alone with his music system and a bunch of albums, and he does not evan work. He haz music playing that will drive you nutz. seriously, thars a track called 9:25. Its actually the length of the song, thars this whole backasstory abt how ppeople assume stuff with song names so they just names the track lengths and album lengths in something called Global communication. ok so its liek a mileston e album that no one but the artists heard and 9:25 is like something that does not sound like music. evan. He foucking loves albums. At least, thats what he claims. This fucking guy haz a seperate pmp for when he wants to run (he spends a lot of tiem running), when he wants to bike (bmx s*), what he plugs into his precious speakers, and the one he uses for travelling.
Fuck that s#it, thiszx guy is not self-admiteddly the god of audio he can play instruments in his vicinity without touching them. The sounds are not too loud though, but you can hear it nonetheless. If he picks up an instrument though. Thats it. he kills music there.
he is merciful though. most of the tiem, he just listens to stuff. Thiz guy runs for two sessions, once in the morning at six and once in the evening a little before four thirty. Ive sometimes followed him on a bike (imma ona bmx 2). Random people wave at him when hez a running. He usually sits down for a chai and a samosa before ricking back home. Thats the only tiem I get to speak to him because otherwize he doesnt get me evan if I yell my lungs out. He uses a pair of noise-isolating in-ears when he runs, the ones with arms that go around the ears so they dont fall out. Hez replaced the buds of those god-damn earphones because he didnt liek the fact that they were noise isolating. Something about being able to hear traffic and shit.
You wont believe what this guy haz to say about qualityu. evan. This guy is liek a radio sounds - ok fucking get this - heavier - than a 320 mp3 ona good system or a fukken cd ina deck. He zays that our ears instintively "trust" static and noise, and we imagine audio information better on lower quality muysic. Fucking shit. I argued back with a fucking strong argument about cam rips and how production values matter a lot. He was nodding away to some of that dubstem shit and going "yeeaaah" and I wuz not evan done.
This guy is the god of sound. Seriously, the way the vague background music creeps up to you is well... a little off putting, to articulate it. Only do you realiuze a little later that hez put on track 6 of the Richard D. James Album. Never heard of it? Ill come around to more common titles later, but this ones like a milestone or soemthing too. I mean you look it up on wikipedia and they call it "brain music" you have to stop in your tracks for a second. This guy. No. Hes just a god, its someone else's music. Hes a god of consumption as well. He eats albums liek they were food.
There wuz this tiem when he wuz running and I wuz cruising, and he stopped in the middle of nowhere, pulled out his ear-thingies and looks atme and saiys "Ive not been alisting to anathing for five minutes". I goo like 'Haha why dont youy sing?". Just blurted that out, donno what it meant should've prolly kept my thogths to myzelf.
yeha defiantly.
Then I ended up commiting a farther indiscriton. I goez and tells the god of sound "has you heard the new radiohead album?" You know that wuz at least 60% a conversational question, I would have asked that to anyone nowadays. He looks at me as if I were some kind of a pre-azoic sea-foam slug. The god of music has looked me straight in the eye and told me "I dont fucking listen to radiohead." Thats not the worst part evan.
He fukken listens to raggae. I dont evan know what raggae sounds like. I imagine something like black men in suits dancing liek animals to drum beats and a viola though I haz no idea abt that instrument. With some exxxotic looking babes in the background somewhar. yeah thats what raggue might sound liek. And electronica. The god of music totally digs a fat baseline. Justice? Yeah thats on the permanent space on his ipod. Stemfour? Dont try it, youll prolly have to wake up in another tiem and place. He evan lent Deadmau5 a copy of Tales of Terror and Death.
I havent gotten started. evan. Ok so this guy sees patterns in music. He tells me something about all the artists in the entire world feeling the same thing at the same tiem, and the music is just one aspect of it, like a portion of a jewel revealed. Yeah trippyass in a way. But he totally goes for it liek some songs are special for some years. He says sometimes ist just the time of the song and nothing else. Like ok, hwo Let the Dogs out is a 1998 song. That just sounded a little ragge-ish to me, but I even let it pass. Then theres more evadance he piles up for that stupid songwriteers around the world feelang the same thing. Totally ignoring another friend's prolly informad remarks that the songwriters were, in fact, the same person he points out to nouvelle vague's teenage kicks thematic similarities to katy perry's teenage dreams. apaprt from the fact the both the songs have teenage in their song titles, ifound vary little similarities between the two songs, thematic or otherwize. but this guy must know what hez atalking about, hez the god of muci.
Oh yeah the thing he uses while he runs is a sansa sandisk, Its an mp3 player thingy and he haz a bunch of tracks on it that he changes evary mroning. heiz ipod, has like permanent space allocated to a bunch of albums. Hares, exclusively, "The GOD of Music's Ipod Playlist" or soemthing liek that. I couldnt help but note it down. Its in albhabetical order evan.

Air - Love 2
Aphex Twin - Richard D. James Album
Convextion - Convextion CDS
Covenant - Skyshaper
DJ Shadow - Entroducing.....
Ellen Allien & Apparat - Orchestra of Bubbles
FSOL - Lifeforms
Global Communication - 76:14
Gorillaz - Plastic Beach
Infected Mushroom - Converting Vegetarians (just Disc 2)
Kraftwerk - Man Machine
LCD Soundsystem - This is Happening
MGMT - Oracular Spectacular
Mono - Formica Blues
Nightmares On Wax - Smoker's Delight
U.F.Orb
Portishead - Dummy
Ratatat - Classics
Trentmoller - The Last Resort

He sayz better music than this does not exist in the universe. I wuz curios to know what he deleted but then I let it be. I listen to some of the stuff in there, Air and Portishead I was definately familiar with, and the Gorillaz album wuz one of my favorites too, so I mentally hi-fived myself for having four artists that I liekd common with the God of Music.
I asked him about the Covenant album. Northern Light is a much better album, he'd picked up what critics of the group called the worst album by the band. He told me soemthing about how the sound was perfect, and much better than the previous releases. He told me the sound wuz universal, that aliens would appreciate it as well. Maybe thats why huimans dont dig it that much.
Still a little vauge? This guy seruiyusly listens to a lot of musc. I kid you not he waz nodding away hiz head to a Punjabi MC track, dont evan know what it wuz called and he was going like "this is the reeal shiit" and I think it was sandwiched between a whole string of crap songs on tv with badly animated alien cratures flotting arond.
The god of music told me of a radio frequency. he told me that human brains could tune in to that frequency without any effore. He saus that soemtimes he broadcasts on that frequency, then the same tune plays in eavryons heads. evan if were listening to different songs, and different tracks, at different tiems, evan if were tuned in to two different radio stations, it can all sound the same. He also toll me that all good musci are tiem machines. When you play the music, evarone who listens to it gats transported to same tiem. Such talk is too heavy dose for me.
Sometimes theres a wistful look on his face. Theres one thing he lieks to sayz a lot, thats music is dead for a lot of people. It died with the beatles, it died with punnk floy, it died with jimi hendrix, it died in seattle, or t-pain killed it with autotune you nevar know. ok yeha t-pain killed it with autotune and dolphines. but the music died.

Sunday, January 02, 2011

screeeeeeeeeenshot


started seeing all my icons being replaced with white squares, and wanted to take a screenshot. friggin thing does not have a prnt scrn button, andn my phone was being charged s o I grab my slr and am focusing on the white sqyares when my dad walks in, observes what I am doing, and suggests that I scan the iPod
:mindblown:

Dream Diary preview

Soft shadows. Ambience. Gamma correction. Dof. Reflections, refractions, shadows. Shadows on top of shadows. Total internal reflections. Put...