Rule 1: Aniticpation is boring. Move on. Move quickly. We dont liek mysteries. Give uz the action. In every frame if possible, and in HD.
Rule 2: We dont care if you make sense or not. Please try not to make sense, if possible. If you do make sense, at least dont expect us to care.
Rule 3: Intensity puts us off. If you do need to get intense, save it all up for the climax, and dont drag it. Refer to Rule 1.
Rule 4: We liek moar of the same thing. Over and over again. A joke nevar gets old. Really. However, Refer to Rule 5.
Rule 5: Throw away your bag of tricks, gimmicks and flashy stuff. we haet all of that. Keep it original. If you have no original content, STFU.
Rule 6: Get an indie experimental electronica band to compose the soundtrack. Use a lot of artificial and/or synthesized aural simulation as cues and hints for the narrative, as against natural sounds.
Rule 7: Keep the framing loose, jerky and constantly moving. If you have a steady frame, or anything that Kubrick would frame, we are going to go to sleep. Immideately.
Rule 8: Snap it short on the timelien. We want short, crisp cuts. Quick and dirty scenes. Refer to Rule 1.
Rule 9: We are all goldfish in human form. We tend to be very forgetful. Keep it simple. Stupid.