Friday, February 25, 2011

Expired in Transit

HAve you seen the ping worms? they can be really looong and some say there are only five of them and some say there is only one.

Destination host unreachable.
Destination host unreachable.
Destination host unreachable.
Destination host unreachable.
Destination host unreachable.
Destination host unreachable.
Destination host unreachable.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Hardware error.
Hardware error.
Hardware error.
Hardware error.
Destination host unreachable.
Destination host unreachable.
Destination host unreachable.
Destination host unreachable.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Unexpected packet.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
General failure.
Destination host unreachable.
Destination host unreachable.
Destination host unreachable.
Destination host unreachable.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Unknown Host.
Unknown Host.
Unknown Host.
General failure.
Destination host unreachable.
Destination host unreachable.
Destination host unreachable.
Destination host unreachable.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Cake.

PS: dont evan think about clicking hare youll be tagged by laser sattelites and theyll send the drones to haunt uou srsly the only thing to save you is aluminum foil. not tin foil ok? thats for the loser hacks.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

towel < newspaper

Its impolite to argue with a dead man, but sorry Adams the towerl sucks as an intergalaxtic companion for the wanderer. Whether ur in the deeps of space, in the mountainz or in jungal, a newspaper is handier than a towel. Sure you can suck specail vitamins from the endds of towerls and it does not get destroyed when it gets wet, but at least you dont have to deal with the god damn lint.

First of all there is the cost factor a newspaper is practically free when compared to the cost of getting a towel. You can prolly get 50 newspapers for the cost of a towel. Also a newspaper has a bunchh of sheets, which make it a lot moar versatile. You can use it liek tissue paper. If your actually out in the wild, its pretty good to sit on, eat on, start fires with and even as bedding material.
You can make a hat with it evan if it gets sunny. In fact a variety of hats. Hmm, you can also tear it up into perfect squares and try out origami, if you accept the paper quality as a challenge? Paper rockets. Yes? No? Theres literally hours of time you can spend doing different things with a newspaper. The crosswored, usually there are two of em along with those dokus. You can even read the news. Then read the news slowly, or find stuff in the news or make a list of errors and inconsistencies or try to fins codes and hidden meanings. Aslo, you can liek use it to clean weed, wrap drugs, turn it into a roll and whack people with, crumple it into balls and launch missiles.
You still wanna towelr? Fuck towerls.

Thursday, February 03, 2011

yeeeeah this happen long time ago ok?

Ok Picture the scene. This is the middle of the night, somewhere between two and three in the morning. It was a long empty road deep in the middle of rural Maharashtra. We were two guiz in a car, me and a sonorous friend (moar on that later). Owls, bats, ghosts and other creatures of the night must have stayed safe in their homes that particular night because of the lightning. It was so common that it was liek a cosmic strobe light that turned night into day every now and then. It was a massive storm without rain but frequent flashes of brilliant lightning. The thunder was really far away and was little moar than a low rumbling way down the spectrum. All of this is moastly unrelated but unfortunately real background to the story.
The story was that we had had a long day driving for 800 kilometers in less than 36 hours, and it was only my friend on the wheel, so it is a little understandable that he parked the car at a petrol pump, switched off the engine and went into a sound sleep. With little better to do, my pmps battery drained a long tiem ago, I smoked a cigarette, and went off to sleep. At least, I tried. The lightning wasnt exactly very conducive to the sleep.
In a bit, he started snoring. At first it was a low sound, almost covered up by the distant thunder. At first I wasnt disturbed. I got used to the rhythm of it, and dozed off. Suddenly there was a loud snort. Then the rhythm changed completely, became a little faster. There was also a sound that went something like "grnn hMMpff" and then the rhythm changed again. As fascinating as all of this is, it wasnt really easy to drift off to sleep. Also, it was definitely getting louder.
I really wanted to sleep. I was sleepy. I couldn't sleep because of the snoring. This might seem repetitive, but is necessary to understand my actions that followed. I hit upon the brilliant idea of using cigarette butts as earbuds. Yeah im just getting warmed up here, so I wont even describe how that failed. They were not noise isolating, but they are very difficult to get out once you get em in. Dont try it evar. One important lesson I learnt about acoustics is that you need to have something conforming to the innards of your ear to really block out the sound. I hoped my pinkies were up for the challenge. I stuffed em in as far as they could go. Boom. No sound at all. That was good. Very good. Now, to go to sleep.
Yeah the problem is its pretty difficult to go to sleep with your fingers jammed into your ears. After a bit, the fingers start sliding out, and ears start paining, and wedging your hands against the door and the seat wont help in maintaining the position. I didnt know if that was what that triggered the headache, but I decided that the time was ripe for a fresh approach.
Right now, Im sorry to say I was fucking angry. I gave my friend a big ass elbow in the stomach and he promptly stopped. Only to start again some tiem later. There is an age old technique of breathing in and breathing out to calm yourself down. Well, snoring is basically hearing someone else failing utterly at breathing, so its pretty difficult to maintain your own timing and pace when someone else is off-kilter. Then I thought that it was about tiem I approached the situation liek a Boss.
There was one strategy which has nevar failed me in my life. Be calm and smoke two joints. You know how it is, after smoking a joint ur liek all gone and one with the universe and in a really loving mood. Well that shit just made me paranoid and imagine that I deserve the torture as part of some bad karmic hangover. Eventually I calmed down enough to try my hand at induced lucid dreaming, that is trying to go into a deep dream like state. Easy to do for most people when your sleepy and have smoked two joints, but not with this guy snoring next to you man.
Ok concentrating on the background noises, looking at the cars and the rain, just to drive out the snoring sound. Almost everything I saw, every reflected carlight that crossed the windshield, every insect in the sky that caught the moonlight, was a shooting star, and the only thing I wished for every tiem was for the snoring to stop. In a bit the cars and trucks began to look like airplanes it was a woozy state but I was still irritated by the snoring when I tried the most infallible strategy ever.
Lie fucking still no matter what happens. Yeah I was making really heavy progress in the lie fucking still department, but not so much in the go to sleep department. In fact, not evan a little bit. I realised the importance of having a notebook and pen at all times, I wuz reduced to taking down notes on my mobile phone, which had a dying battery. There were some other deep insights into lief imma sure, but all I wuz doing was somehow keeping myself occupied because I realized that a) this motherfuckers not gonna stop snoring and b) imma not gonna find ana sleep. There is apparently a technique out there for going to sleep that is so cool that everyone in the world uses it and there are television channels to help you along as well. Counting sheep. Yeah I must have gotten bored at around six man, I donno if anyone haz gone any further, but srsly, good for you.
Thens I thinks whats if its not the snoring because of which I cants sleep, but something else entirely. Mebbe its the lightning. The chai tapri nearby opens up, so I head there for a tea and a smoke. THen have another two. I talk to some trucker who advices me to stop at a brothel a little ahead of Vada for a good fuck. He tells me liek its the most obvious thing in the world for anyone to do, and its stupid of me to not do it if im going down that road. I head back to the car to listen to some comfortable snoring. I backtracked a bit and pulled the whole "be calm and smoke two jointsd" stunt.
Eventually the sun rose, the lightning stopped, the birds started chirping and when I woke up we were on the highway.

Friday, January 28, 2011

thegodofmus.ic

no one has evar made me note down shit before. ok thats a lie, prolly a teacharm but not liek this. oh you liek charachter sketchez? no? mebbe you havent really thought about it. ok how about this guy. hes liek real and shit. hes the god of music though. kid you not. you can literally hear echoes from tunes decades ago, and the radio playus in your brain when your around him. yeah, but unfortunately, you havent had the good fortune of meeting huim, so imma left with the stopid job of describing him to you. hes a bit on the stout side, really serious expression on him all the tiem liek hes responsible for soemthing but hes chilling liek a motherfucker most of the tiem. ok. now he lives alone with his music system and a bunch of albums, and he does not evan work. He haz music playing that will drive you nutz. seriously, thars a track called 9:25. Its actually the length of the song, thars this whole backasstory abt how ppeople assume stuff with song names so they just names the track lengths and album lengths in something called Global communication. ok so its liek a mileston e album that no one but the artists heard and 9:25 is like something that does not sound like music. evan. He foucking loves albums. At least, thats what he claims. This fucking guy haz a seperate pmp for when he wants to run (he spends a lot of tiem running), when he wants to bike (bmx s*), what he plugs into his precious speakers, and the one he uses for travelling.
Fuck that s#it, thiszx guy is not self-admiteddly the god of audio he can play instruments in his vicinity without touching them. The sounds are not too loud though, but you can hear it nonetheless. If he picks up an instrument though. Thats it. he kills music there.
he is merciful though. most of the tiem, he just listens to stuff. Thiz guy runs for two sessions, once in the morning at six and once in the evening a little before four thirty. Ive sometimes followed him on a bike (imma ona bmx 2). Random people wave at him when hez a running. He usually sits down for a chai and a samosa before ricking back home. Thats the only tiem I get to speak to him because otherwize he doesnt get me evan if I yell my lungs out. He uses a pair of noise-isolating in-ears when he runs, the ones with arms that go around the ears so they dont fall out. Hez replaced the buds of those god-damn earphones because he didnt liek the fact that they were noise isolating. Something about being able to hear traffic and shit.
You wont believe what this guy haz to say about qualityu. evan. This guy is liek a radio sounds - ok fucking get this - heavier - than a 320 mp3 ona good system or a fukken cd ina deck. He zays that our ears instintively "trust" static and noise, and we imagine audio information better on lower quality muysic. Fucking shit. I argued back with a fucking strong argument about cam rips and how production values matter a lot. He was nodding away to some of that dubstem shit and going "yeeaaah" and I wuz not evan done.
This guy is the god of sound. Seriously, the way the vague background music creeps up to you is well... a little off putting, to articulate it. Only do you realiuze a little later that hez put on track 6 of the Richard D. James Album. Never heard of it? Ill come around to more common titles later, but this ones like a milestone or soemthing too. I mean you look it up on wikipedia and they call it "brain music" you have to stop in your tracks for a second. This guy. No. Hes just a god, its someone else's music. Hes a god of consumption as well. He eats albums liek they were food.
There wuz this tiem when he wuz running and I wuz cruising, and he stopped in the middle of nowhere, pulled out his ear-thingies and looks atme and saiys "Ive not been alisting to anathing for five minutes". I goo like 'Haha why dont youy sing?". Just blurted that out, donno what it meant should've prolly kept my thogths to myzelf.
yeha defiantly.
Then I ended up commiting a farther indiscriton. I goez and tells the god of sound "has you heard the new radiohead album?" You know that wuz at least 60% a conversational question, I would have asked that to anyone nowadays. He looks at me as if I were some kind of a pre-azoic sea-foam slug. The god of music has looked me straight in the eye and told me "I dont fucking listen to radiohead." Thats not the worst part evan.
He fukken listens to raggae. I dont evan know what raggae sounds like. I imagine something like black men in suits dancing liek animals to drum beats and a viola though I haz no idea abt that instrument. With some exxxotic looking babes in the background somewhar. yeah thats what raggue might sound liek. And electronica. The god of music totally digs a fat baseline. Justice? Yeah thats on the permanent space on his ipod. Stemfour? Dont try it, youll prolly have to wake up in another tiem and place. He evan lent Deadmau5 a copy of Tales of Terror and Death.
I havent gotten started. evan. Ok so this guy sees patterns in music. He tells me something about all the artists in the entire world feeling the same thing at the same tiem, and the music is just one aspect of it, like a portion of a jewel revealed. Yeah trippyass in a way. But he totally goes for it liek some songs are special for some years. He says sometimes ist just the time of the song and nothing else. Like ok, hwo Let the Dogs out is a 1998 song. That just sounded a little ragge-ish to me, but I even let it pass. Then theres more evadance he piles up for that stupid songwriteers around the world feelang the same thing. Totally ignoring another friend's prolly informad remarks that the songwriters were, in fact, the same person he points out to nouvelle vague's teenage kicks thematic similarities to katy perry's teenage dreams. apaprt from the fact the both the songs have teenage in their song titles, ifound vary little similarities between the two songs, thematic or otherwize. but this guy must know what hez atalking about, hez the god of muci.
Oh yeah the thing he uses while he runs is a sansa sandisk, Its an mp3 player thingy and he haz a bunch of tracks on it that he changes evary mroning. heiz ipod, has like permanent space allocated to a bunch of albums. Hares, exclusively, "The GOD of Music's Ipod Playlist" or soemthing liek that. I couldnt help but note it down. Its in albhabetical order evan.

Air - Love 2
Aphex Twin - Richard D. James Album
Convextion - Convextion CDS
Covenant - Skyshaper
DJ Shadow - Entroducing.....
Ellen Allien & Apparat - Orchestra of Bubbles
FSOL - Lifeforms
Global Communication - 76:14
Gorillaz - Plastic Beach
Infected Mushroom - Converting Vegetarians (just Disc 2)
Kraftwerk - Man Machine
LCD Soundsystem - This is Happening
MGMT - Oracular Spectacular
Mono - Formica Blues
Nightmares On Wax - Smoker's Delight
U.F.Orb
Portishead - Dummy
Ratatat - Classics
Trentmoller - The Last Resort

He sayz better music than this does not exist in the universe. I wuz curios to know what he deleted but then I let it be. I listen to some of the stuff in there, Air and Portishead I was definately familiar with, and the Gorillaz album wuz one of my favorites too, so I mentally hi-fived myself for having four artists that I liekd common with the God of Music.
I asked him about the Covenant album. Northern Light is a much better album, he'd picked up what critics of the group called the worst album by the band. He told me soemthing about how the sound was perfect, and much better than the previous releases. He told me the sound wuz universal, that aliens would appreciate it as well. Maybe thats why huimans dont dig it that much.
Still a little vauge? This guy seruiyusly listens to a lot of musc. I kid you not he waz nodding away hiz head to a Punjabi MC track, dont evan know what it wuz called and he was going like "this is the reeal shiit" and I think it was sandwiched between a whole string of crap songs on tv with badly animated alien cratures flotting arond.
The god of music told me of a radio frequency. he told me that human brains could tune in to that frequency without any effore. He saus that soemtimes he broadcasts on that frequency, then the same tune plays in eavryons heads. evan if were listening to different songs, and different tracks, at different tiems, evan if were tuned in to two different radio stations, it can all sound the same. He also toll me that all good musci are tiem machines. When you play the music, evarone who listens to it gats transported to same tiem. Such talk is too heavy dose for me.
Sometimes theres a wistful look on his face. Theres one thing he lieks to sayz a lot, thats music is dead for a lot of people. It died with the beatles, it died with punnk floy, it died with jimi hendrix, it died in seattle, or t-pain killed it with autotune you nevar know. ok yeha t-pain killed it with autotune and dolphines. but the music died.

Sunday, January 02, 2011

screeeeeeeeeenshot


started seeing all my icons being replaced with white squares, and wanted to take a screenshot. friggin thing does not have a prnt scrn button, andn my phone was being charged s o I grab my slr and am focusing on the white sqyares when my dad walks in, observes what I am doing, and suggests that I scan the iPod
:mindblown:

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

i dont even just publish from draft

I always imagined that the ultimate thing inn LIEF wuz 2 sit on my
pl, already, that shitz not universal
al. knywz* or soemthing. I really hate those gyz who treat sms liek fkng BMS.r cnz joo handls multipl convos at 1nce? good 4 u. bel ur noo good.

sit on my laptop and type awaysz to fuark ing glory. nevar happan. u jooooooo u kno why?
*I hopz u rendered that as OK (comma) anyway |||| ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Sunday, December 19, 2010

a thousand points for recognizing this guy.

no?

ok a hint: theres some electro music coming on, and all the band memberz are wondering who unplugged their instruments