About god

This is a part of a letter I wrote to someone that I wanted to save. I just went on thinking and writing you know....

I am totally against the argument that anything good must be made by God. Like in damn, I discuss a fraction of the wonders of the universe, and then end up with saying that there is no god. The purpose with this is actually against the tendency of theists to use anything beautiful as an absolute proof of God. Someone shows you a flower, and says look how intricate and how beautiful it is, and I cannot understand how a random bunch of molecules evolving through time can possible create such a beautiful thing as a flower. Or that the rainbow is the sign of a God, or a baby, or any such thing. Have your read the Camerlengo’s speech in Angels and Demons? Something like that. I totally hate that school of thought. I think it is basically our feeling of purposelessness and our pride that has made us invent God. We could not accept the fact that we were just very complex colonies of Amoebas, and that we had a purpose beyond the basic one to continue to have more colonies of Amoebas… that’s what “the purpose” article was about…
Now, having kids may be mankind’s only purpose as a whole, because given the sheer size of the universe, strictly speaking, the cosmos will continue to go on, almost unchanged irrespective of all the efforts of every man that ever lived. While the whole of mankind may not have a purpose at all, every single man does, and has to have a better purpose. Like I said, his pride won’t allow for it to be otherwise.
But this purpose is a very personal thing, by definition, because it is every man’s own, unique one. Now, someone without a purpose, or at least a coherent one, is that kind of an idiot who says “jo hoga so hoga” and the nutcase who believes in a destiny – or this is what people tend to think. According to me, both are correct and wrong at the same time (Now you know why Uma mam thinks I am confused).
The following paragraph is actually an explanation for what I have just said…
Forget a man’s relation with the universe at large, but even his relationships with his friends, family, the society at large are all extremely personal things, and the questions that a man has with his relations with the cosmos are also extremely personal. A destiny, a purpose, or the idea of a god, is all a lost human soul calling out to the world at a large for a direction to move in… you know… like OK, what do I do? Who am I? How am I going to live my life? And when there are no readily available answers, we invent a god. A religion is just set of answers to these questions. Like:
What do I do?
Be good and don’t drink, and pray to God, and he will look after you.

Who am I?
A free spirit and a free soul, but a servant of God, and pray to Him, and he will look after you.

How am I going to live my life?
Be good to others, and the Lord above will see to it that you will live a full, happy life just pray to God and he will look after you.

You get my drift? The trouble starts when the followers of two basically similar but superficially different religions disagree. God came along as someone who strengthens a religion by instilling a fear. Now this is where the bad stuff starts… and that is probably what you hate, the exploitation of a faith by people who make use of it to achieve their own ends.
All of this rambling has a purpose, just laying the groundwork, I am sorry if this is boring you…
Soon, people got too busy to ask the questions themselves, and there were readymade answers anyway, so they just clung on to it, and soon a religion became hereditary. This is why, I take a point of view which many consider extreme, that a belief in god should not be discussed between parents and children. I will explain this later, but now, all the problem started because the questions ceased to be personal, and once where every man achieved a balance with the cosmos by answering all his questions for himself, instead now, ended up being a helpless pawn in the bigger game…
That is why I strongly believe that a belief in God should not be discussed where there is a possibility of a blind belief, or even a blind disbelief. Any one of these would destroy a man, a blind belief will waste a man’s resources with all sorts of nonsensical tomfoolery like flowers and incense sticks, and a blind disbelief, like so many atheists out there, with the sole argument of the scientific improbability of a God existing, would not allow them to have a purpose. A theist will always work towards pleasing a god, or have some religious or conventional path to follow, he can work towards spiritual enlightenment, towards religious fulfillment and all that. Go up to an atheist, and as him or her what their general purpose in life is, what is driving them… and you will probably get a selfish, decadent aim. An Atheist, only lives to make colonies of amoebas, or the odd one will talk about service to mankind, which is crap and an unrealizable dream anyway. An atheist has no pride of being a human being, of being a thinking animal beyond everything else that his idea of a scientific evolution has thrown up… he is no use as a human being, and could as well be an ant. An ant does work for the general good of antkind, you know.
The point in all this is that people should be encouraged to find out the answers to their questions on their own, and god is only a small part of all the questions we might have. The point is also that, as I have said before, the questions and the answers are very personal, and while ones ideas can be influence, or rather stimulated by an open discussion, we should be narrow minded enough not to allow any old thing to influence us heavily, and at the same time, be open-minded enough to toy around with new ideas. I think the groundwork is laid for what I really have to say…
All of this is why I am NOT an atheist. You see all the bad things I have said about atheists, I am not that. I am constantly toying with the idea, and have spells of theism and atheism. I evolve a new idea on a regular basis, but if anyone asks me, I openly say that I don’t believe in a god, because I don’t in the sense of the multi-armed, multi-faced weird-weapon brandishing, gold-plated gods who need to have the flowers of their own creation mutilated and thrown on them on a regular basis. I also refuse to acknowledge a universal power watching over me, having a purpose with the entire cosmos and have any control over what I do. Now, I hope you understand why I am not a theist or an atheist, but when anyone asks the question, or in the context of the article; damn, I can safely say that I am an atheist.
When people expect a single word answer - theist or atheist – for a question like “do you believe in a god?”, I think you understand why I am unable to give a single one word answer. When people ask about that, I just begin to explain my current belief, and they get bored pretty soon and they stop me…I am not claiming to be an “enlightened” believer or disbeliever either.
It does look like I am pretty confused na?

Now, our destiny may only be of asking these questions, and the search for a better answer. The search may itself be the destination. I don’t know.

Ok, this is my current belief in God…
The universe cannot have just come from nowhere. There has to be an external infinite source of energy that is outside this one finite universe, or all the universes where the law of conservation of mass is followed. There can be no “spontaneous” creation or genesis as the religious texts call it, without an infinite source of energy. You really cannot create even a single electron from scratch without having infinite energy.
Now, as long as the law of conservation of mass and energy is observed, this holds true, that an infinite source of energy exists, outside our dimensions. If, at any time, science ever discovers a state, or a system, or a device, or even just a condition, where genesis, or spontaneous creation of matter and energy is possible, then either man will make weapons to big for him to handle, which seems like the one thing he is likely to do, or, if he has calmed down enough, he will use the infinite energy to leave the universe and find out the truth for himself.
I don’t think that science will ever get to do this, because we cannot continue to build instruments measure stuff much more finely than they are already doing now, and unless we open a pan-dimensional gateway type of thing, when we create stuff spontaneously, and derive the energy from outside the universe, then we are pretty much stuck in the local region around earth for eternity, and the local region around the earth is a small fraction of the universe. So we have to juggle our ideas about this external source of energy without ever expecting any absolute proof.
The universe is a beautiful enigma. That just has to be said.
Now this infinite external source of energy, that I will call god for the sake of argument, does not need to be intelligent, does not need to have a purpose in mind, does not even need to recognize a universe, a fraction of itself (being energy, it has no gender) in which there is no spontaneous creation of energy. It has no need, of anyone one of us humans, and exists independent of all our thoughts, ideas, beliefs and actions. It is neither benevolent or malicious.