There has to be a way to create a range time stamp. This blog was created from 11:00 in the morning till now. With a huge maths test, of which I properly attempted all of 4 marks, and a missed practicals session in between.
Did not blog yesterday because of the maths exam. I thought I would study like hell. I absolutely did not. I only managed to do a bit of interpolation, that I already knew anyway. Now I have like three hours to go before the exams, and I am so damn fucking screwed.Checking the e-mail, did the same yesterday. Am not posting this blog now, just writing in notepad, and then will blog it. I am doing this because of the stress and the tension. I keep telling myself that it will al be OK, and I will pass, like eight, ninth, tenth and even the eleventh. But twelfth is more difficult than all of these put together, though eleventh came very close. I DID not pass in my eleventh, but came through because of other subjects, I had a pretty good total, and also because of my attendance. They said I would be retained but I was not. Now things are different. I know nothing of maths II, don't know how I will get through, even if I do.DAMN, to say the least.I am so irresponsible, that to put the tension away, I began to play deus ex in the morning after my parents went to work and I had nothing to do. Damn, I have to call my classes and say I won't be coming as I am studying for my prelims. Damn. I am calling him now.Called him up and almost left the music on in the background! Ok, so he asked me to eat a lot of perus and bananas, for some reason, and said that it was OK if I missed the pracs. Did not expect him to be so understanding. I gave him the timetable for the exams, after making a hell lot of mistakes because of my nervousness. I don't know what is happening to me, I seem to be on the verge of a breakdown. I have got the nerves like I have never before, even though I know I am going to fail and score low, it is not supposed to matter as it has been happening since after tenth. DAMN. I can handle all the other subjects except calculus.At one time I did not know the derivative of, believe it or not, 2x+9!!!!How dumb can I be. Now as far as I can go is the derivative of logx^2+5xDamn.And I don't know any integration, or any limits, or anything worthwhile. I know only four marks of interpolation. I can do a few theorems for another four marks. A possible of eight marks for my paper, and I am so damn screwed.If Santosh is invigilating, I will just run away...And my name was not in the list of people who got prizes for this year. However, I did get a message from the eds of the coll mag asking for my roll number. I wonder if I have got a prize and they did not put it up because they did not have my number. If so, it will make my day. Really. Two years in a row, would be such a cool thing. The bright side of failing would be getting it three years in a row.And I will probably get more responsible.I need to get at least 60% to get into some good BMM college. I was aiming for a fifty, but now I will aim for an eighty, and maybe I will get a seventy. I absolutely need a first class, if not a distinction. I may as well get a distinction. I just realized something, long ago, I was standing right in front of K, after the tenth results, and someone called him. He told them that everyone in our group had got a first class. I was hurt for a long time thinking that he had Sid distinction. Now I remembered, that he had said first class. That was so stupid of me. Damn.Everyone in my group in SIES will at least get a 85 if not a ninety. There are some who might as well come in the merit list. I am the only guy in the whole dammed college who is sure to fail in maths even in the prelims. I can't bear to think of what the dumb management will do to me.I am scared shit, like I have never been scared before. Ah well.Back to deus ex I guess.
It is evening now, and I am writing in the same notepad file again. 4 filthy marks, is all I can expect. The rest is crap that I have just guessed. Left the paper almost an hour early. Amazingly, I wasn't the only one coming home early, I found N at the station...Came home avec Elle. Had fun... mostly. Stood most of the way, so my back is paining a bit. Was on my way home in koknipada when amma called. Bunch of Holy Cross girls were chattering all around me, so I could not sleep.Who the hell cares about the dumb maths marks anyway?Tomorrow is Chem II. Patil will probably correct it, and I really want to score well on his papers. Ah well. BOARD PRACS ARE AROUND THE CORNER. Wonder what will happen for the IT pracs. We’ve only had one pracs so far, and they were total failures, we have not even got the journal together by now. That so totally sucks...Had a vanilla stick on the way from coll to the Sion station. Vanilla is lucky for me, I donno...Anyway, this is all about today and yesterday. so long.